19 August 2012

Jealousy vs. The Black Queen aka down.with.love.

And now for something completely different. Sorry, it will get personal again.

You all, even those who weren't yet born before Freddie had died (how, for the hell's sake, is that possible by the way!) surely know the band called Queen.
It's been one of the first bands in my music education and I would call it the most important one in creating my choosy music taste for melodies and out of the ordinary solutions and I've loved them since I was 6. I love them still, for the ideas, for the form, for the music and.. for the lyrics.

Countless times the music in general saved me from being totally down and wreck. In last days I had to have a lot of music therapy.

"Oh how wrong can you be?
Oh to fall in love was my very first mistake
How was I to know I was far too much in love to see?
Oh jealousy look at me now
Jealousy you got me somehow.."

Oh, yes, I promise myself never, ever be jealous of anyone ever again. I felt it was the most annoying feeling I could emit and the one that made me feel the most pathetic in my own eyes.

But falling in love never again seems like not so bad idea as well...
I know, that *love is revolution* whatsoever, but I slowly start to have an impression, that maybe it's not the actually the best thing for me.

There are so many beautiful things about being in love and sharing it and projecting it on others and teaching it to others and even living and feeling it with others.
But for me the bad part in it is falling out of myself and becoming weak, brainless, dependent, mediocre, pretty boring and passive person.

It happened to me already 3 times. One time I remained myself, because I was in a distance relationship. The other times I failed.
At the moment I'm on a best way to become my-real-self again, strong, independent, fascinating, alive to the bone, with all the malice, sharp tongue, sharp mind, lust for life, passion, impulsiveness, amazement, and energy..
And the love, of course, in endless resources, but this one I still need to learn how to manage and dose it really wisely.
Before that happens, I'll care a bit less, expect little or nothing, go rather for patience and acceptance of what comes and fight when there's a threat and a deep need.

"Walking true to style
She's vulgar 'buse and vile
Fie-fo the black queen tattoos all her pies
She boils and she bakes and she never dots her "I's"

Forget your singalongs and your lullabies
Surrender to the city of the fireflies
Dance with the devil in beat with the band
To hell with all of you hand in hand
But now it's time to be gone - forever"

I'm not going to dot my "I's" neither. And take a good care of my fireflies.
So take it as it is, with all the good and the bad sides, with no regrets.

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