As for the one river, too many memories.
One river, 3 days, 3 cities. Nothing could be more special as Köln, where I took a look around Germany for the first time, came back in the meantime to help and share and now I found again one of the closest to my heart autonomous centers and these special friends, which I don't have to see every day. I don't even have to define this relation. I just find this calm, warm, soothing, safe place and so special people.
One fast trip to Düsseldorf, where again unconditional kindness, hospitality and openness lets us see the city with both : street full of madly expensive boutiques and another, full of squatted houses. And the river. We make friends with cats and have one of the best breakfast - talks in history of couch surfing.
Then finally Mainz. City of bikes, students and all those memories, which gives me creeps and makes heart beat so much faster.
Right half of them are not memories. They will never be. They're as real as the too long walk, too warm evening, ridiculously as for Halloween, as visit in a hospital, as working together in one of these places, which exist outside of real world, but still so close. As the support, that have never been more needed. As as coffee/adrenaline/falling in love rush. Falling and staying in love and then falling again, every time deeper, every time more conscious, more helpless, more consent.
And the river. Amazingly calm, cold and eternal.
25 November 2011
3 November 2011
I don't remember when I grew up so big to treat everything as a political act. Or at least as a chance to one. When life went so serious, that I couldn't spend time on just having fun, because all of this activities such as not-political movies, my beloved XIX century literature, parties, riding a bike, walks, seem to be so outrageous waste of time. Since when I can only watch documentaries, read political/ feminist/ queer/ anarchist/ animal rights/ social involved books or zines (the best in English, to train language skills), go to solidarity parties (because on other, since I don't drink nor smoke there's not much to do anyway), ride a bike to certain places as a way of transport, jog for health reasons instead of walking – to feel fair with my time budget. When life became so complicated?Actually, I DO remember when that happened. And it was not so long ago.
Now, few days ago I had a chance to meet group of young (mostly under 25) people, mostly just having pure, healthy fun and to live with them for over a week.
I almost forgot, that it's nothing unusual to eat meat, that I have to define what „squat” or „left wing movements” are. I was expecting the worst and I discovered that despite everything I'm still willing to learn. I feel like I've learnt one of the most important things in my life: do not underestimate nor waste any experience, anything I meet on my way can be enriching. That seems so obvious, but still I surprise myself.
I learnt even more. Where my social borders lay and how I already trained myself to not force them. And of course as my foreign socialization goes one, comes both progress and trouble.
The wayfarer's cliche reached me so unexpectedly: longing for new places, new languages, new friends, new homes as strong as after all the left behind.
I also don't remember very well, when I turned into a wayfarer …
Between all activities I managed to continue jogging. And after months of trying I found a joy in it. So, despite being in travel, I ran out of town, to the mountains so amazingly beautiful in light and Autumn. No matter how cold the air was, no matter how tired my lungs and legs get.
There is something in running what makes you clear. Not after coming home, stretching and shower, but just at the moment, between the breaths. I finally get to understand it. My friend asked me do I ran to get rid of frustration, too much energy or anger .
I run to be with myself, to forget about the longing.
I run the tears away.