19 January 2012


I heard this song for the first time in someone's car, being in travel, tired, a bit ill, homesick and lovesick. It appeared so absolutely beautiful on the back seat, while I was looking outside the window on forests ranging endless along the highway covered with pure snow, so surprising in this warm Winter. I felt a bit like I was inside some indie/pop music video.
It made me sad and sensitive, I didn't hear how stupid and shallow the lyrics are, but I was amazed by the music and the moment was really beautiful.

That was anyway some months ago, a lot happened in between, I met many new people, had another wonderful birthday, spend truly good time with my, and not only my family, made connections and collected ideas for future. I've also had hard time dealing with all of my "falling in love with wrong ones" severe cases, I turned one into pure friendship without going further into details, the others I managed to continue without suffering anymore, with a little, unexpected help, both into different directions.

Right now I feel more happy than ever before, even if somehow everything gets only more and more complicated.
Every little choice I make affects further choices.
We maybe have some common plans.
Me may have not.

We walked through countless streets of Warsaw and Hamburg, discovering new places and little details about our lives.

Perhaps that was only so meaningful for me, or maybe I just learned to find the meaning in everything I do. I enjoyed every moment, every joke, every argument, every discussion, every coffee and meal, all full of laugh and this warm impression, that everything is in order.
That I'm free, free from all irreconcilable problems, burdens and compromises, but also free to : go, to stay, to come back, to study, to travel, to work, to move out, to be on my own.
To put my energy into anything I find worth it.

I just would love to do it with you.
To travel to US and Canada, to hitchhike it through and all over, to visit all the places we consider interesting, to make friends, to get into trouble, to send letters to Europe, to speak German just for fun, and not to forget it.

I remain with all the feelings. They just float over the border of love and friendship, with ease, slightly, painless. They can just take required shape, if only it will make us more happy. The amounts remain. I'm not afraid, guilty, lost anymore. I just feel like I want to hear this lovely song without hearing these stupid lyrics someday else, elsewhere far, on someone else's backseat, burned with sun, the same tired.

I can do it alone.
I just think together it will be much more fun..

Pictures above don't belong to me this time.

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