tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55197138876536512502024-03-13T20:33:47.552+01:00sea lightsi'm just telling stories here
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This blog has been discontinued
Please find me and my stories here:
https://zuzugoesamericaning.tumblr.com/
schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-45973011550199960922017-09-07T20:57:00.001+02:002023-07-18T05:43:18.855+02:00Zuzu went AmericaningLots of good and bad things have happened since I last posted here. I moved to the USA, survived first year's culture shock, abusive relationship, domestic violence and got divorced. Also changed profession and job, made friends and tons of memories. <br />
Also, found the love of my life, fell in love and got engaged (again!). <br />
I spend less and less time with my camera and on editing pictures, and that's a shame. I am farthest from home I've ever been, so far that I accepted the fact that idea of "home" does not apply to me anymore. I am where I always wanted to be.<br />
I am where sea lights touch the sky.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcZbjyeVKrVEb_p1-nGhg-LHA0-kKMrn5ZGRthLZbuld84W4vWPMZSqgzLjJoJyJ-XddzahSezVLbe9-Ylk50vV9kTd7dq7isMxSY1vRDza3fKyVGAJ9_bhmRseUaDt362UVwXALcx4Sk/s1600/IMG_20170723_110504_853.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcZbjyeVKrVEb_p1-nGhg-LHA0-kKMrn5ZGRthLZbuld84W4vWPMZSqgzLjJoJyJ-XddzahSezVLbe9-Ylk50vV9kTd7dq7isMxSY1vRDza3fKyVGAJ9_bhmRseUaDt362UVwXALcx4Sk/s400/IMG_20170723_110504_853.jpg" width="400" height="400" data-original-width="1600" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-23598626352727482552015-12-05T17:16:00.000+01:002015-12-05T17:16:00.820+01:00SyltOn the very last day of Summer we took a trip to Sylt, a fancy rich tourist island on the east side of North Germany, at the North Sea. To have a good weather there is close to impossible (and I mean "good" in popular meaning of that word, not the North German meaning, which is anything but the hurricane), but we were lucky. <br />
Not only we caught the last hot sunny day and a day of warm water in the sea, but we also found a nude beach, where we spend the whole day. <br />
It was truly beautiful, relaxing experience and made one of this little memories you tell over a cup of hot tea in the ugly Fall evening: "Remember when we went to Sylt and found a nude beach?"<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjahlDrLsLRyIEAr7IEbPxO9iFCLMD46kngixs1M2ykXgnoRZTREOA-Uvi9q7wFJbfpZAW5Xt4_UgMNvcXBBydlZedZM9QcE1mQJqw2DNTwGCO44A70nDZlUSBZSQGCj4CkcZdcaD3eJN0/s1600/1.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjahlDrLsLRyIEAr7IEbPxO9iFCLMD46kngixs1M2ykXgnoRZTREOA-Uvi9q7wFJbfpZAW5Xt4_UgMNvcXBBydlZedZM9QcE1mQJqw2DNTwGCO44A70nDZlUSBZSQGCj4CkcZdcaD3eJN0/s400/1.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNHZMMiwWg3O-AJbkZSs_j4mC0UC1w5X0R40AFo7S5lFJrqrYZlt18B7A7f-NuDAYPOJOGLOp12zVa0VXgyHvZ0HZs20xhqMugz4NRku9CjKOgomt_yuiMH1GFY5YZTUiZUy8rR-UUDA/s1600/2.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNHZMMiwWg3O-AJbkZSs_j4mC0UC1w5X0R40AFo7S5lFJrqrYZlt18B7A7f-NuDAYPOJOGLOp12zVa0VXgyHvZ0HZs20xhqMugz4NRku9CjKOgomt_yuiMH1GFY5YZTUiZUy8rR-UUDA/s400/2.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_UMnoJC_CGR_uHl-yKIcQ9r5UnYAK1IPbf4YAcvbP04e6p0SZNRP-jI74IQWoNvXlb6shC-o0FpRzMdHijStJfaIM4rDU8sZwc5HXJuUZGOhs0K2ECTJzuHNZJbr-H_q_iZ6HaTRJVjM/s1600/3.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_UMnoJC_CGR_uHl-yKIcQ9r5UnYAK1IPbf4YAcvbP04e6p0SZNRP-jI74IQWoNvXlb6shC-o0FpRzMdHijStJfaIM4rDU8sZwc5HXJuUZGOhs0K2ECTJzuHNZJbr-H_q_iZ6HaTRJVjM/s400/3.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUkTCJxc0bNiucIk0BXPdzNHH9leDSBQn_GrFJy2qdjelmpRUizG05OkJv7LBhJKjc2hhznJaFH7TZ6GUDaYmjbifTCUl-Gn0j30htUNJd27KCwb2p-IINuDdaFdMXYmmCNgFZVh4pjrY/s1600/4.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUkTCJxc0bNiucIk0BXPdzNHH9leDSBQn_GrFJy2qdjelmpRUizG05OkJv7LBhJKjc2hhznJaFH7TZ6GUDaYmjbifTCUl-Gn0j30htUNJd27KCwb2p-IINuDdaFdMXYmmCNgFZVh4pjrY/s400/4.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0OkXl8bz_wAXYkbgRpReVR2qhMLJf3eEkZGA5CZxgoLb0Xo6NGMbGeVD-Gv3ORSYLzqbn76z5KZnZN8oZRvS22xzyrypCN-X_qgy1jWOKuFwMLjpFa4NF9JdsOOVUlwrphRpg2SZ42S8/s1600/5.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0OkXl8bz_wAXYkbgRpReVR2qhMLJf3eEkZGA5CZxgoLb0Xo6NGMbGeVD-Gv3ORSYLzqbn76z5KZnZN8oZRvS22xzyrypCN-X_qgy1jWOKuFwMLjpFa4NF9JdsOOVUlwrphRpg2SZ42S8/s400/5.JPG" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJclXAWkN0E6Bo59hzTICLTou1S4nIKbS9LZxJvJhYQPCeojd9NoMpsWMNPybNhKa1JEVGgU48KPCIVw8_1-t2m1y9T3oPYLMLKnnPEA4-7ghqMb013WU5qzczmkYcTrkKHXgQrAgbh4/s1600/6.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJclXAWkN0E6Bo59hzTICLTou1S4nIKbS9LZxJvJhYQPCeojd9NoMpsWMNPybNhKa1JEVGgU48KPCIVw8_1-t2m1y9T3oPYLMLKnnPEA4-7ghqMb013WU5qzczmkYcTrkKHXgQrAgbh4/s400/6.JPG" /></a>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-88196117890407345372015-11-30T16:58:00.002+01:002015-11-30T16:58:33.983+01:00Polish Summer<br />
This Summer was my last Summer in Europe. It came later than ever and was truly and satisfying hot. I felt it intensely with every sunny day, breathing with a fresh air every early morning and enjoyed its every summer storm. This time was special for many reasons. <br />
<br />
In July my family came to visit me in Hamburg and we went together to Poland to spend few weeks there. We rented a car and a cabin at the lake, took a trip to the seaside and went to see lots of places from my past, which have a meaning to me. Although loosely planned, we ended up following my own emotional map of special places - small corners of the world I wanted to show to my husband and see for myself once again. Places like a lake where I went for Summer holidays with my family as a kid or a camping site I went for my first young adult holidays with a boyfriend or a little village at the seaside where I went with my grandparents when I was six and fell in love with the sea for life. <br />
In the end I went with my best friend to the Fluff Fest, small, vegan, hc-punk scene festival in Czech Republic, where I "grew up" ideologically in a sense. <br />
<br />
That was also a goodbye. To the past that shaped me and to the memories I will take with me. The huge chapter of my life is going to close and I appreciate every person that came across my path, every love, every friendship, every life event and decision I made and that all this things were great in the end, because they made me who I am. <br />
I am a different person and the only thing I expect is more changes. <br />
<br />
Love Life.<br />
<br />
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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlAZfo1GwcfN25EcKbEtUTEqEweyXFbm1Fpfztivz_C91SnJRbdvsPLjWQkKcP6r7UMCghDy211CmnOoq6N9fJFTSqd5WRE3ZF5WJOuqnmFV8vryfmGEegumnLHyD4AGFaxWbxTMIDCrA/s1600/suu.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlAZfo1GwcfN25EcKbEtUTEqEweyXFbm1Fpfztivz_C91SnJRbdvsPLjWQkKcP6r7UMCghDy211CmnOoq6N9fJFTSqd5WRE3ZF5WJOuqnmFV8vryfmGEegumnLHyD4AGFaxWbxTMIDCrA/s400/suu.JPG" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-58193310904639723062015-10-19T00:07:00.001+02:002015-10-19T00:07:38.842+02:00Very old AmsterdamOnce upon a time in a cold May we went for a two-day trip to Amsterdam. Just to get away a bit and make it cheap. We booked some special offer bus ride and the only available cheap hotel where we could pay with PayPal. <br />
<br />
Amsterdam turned out to be even colder, windier and more expensive than Hamburg, what was no surprise. But what surprised me, was how small and narrow, even slightly claustrophobic this city is. Tiny little narrow streets with wide bike lanes, leading to tiny bridges over tiny canals, bikes everywhere, beautiful, old buildings and again streets, bridges, bikes, streets and so on. No squares, no open space, almost no parks! We took a bike ride and I got stuck in a bike-traffic jam for the first time in my life!<br />
Plus hundreds and hundreds of tourists. <br />
Yet everything was so classy, old and sophisticated that it just couldn't be real. Like an "Old World's Town" amusement park. Even the Red Light District was nice and cozy. <br />
Sure, just few blocks away from the fancy center one could see a bit of a true, multi-cultural reality, familiar sounds and smells, Asian and Middle-Eastern food, big, noisy market with the cheapest everything, the locals. The Real, temporary Europe.<br />
<br />
One of the things I saw fell deep into my mind: after the market was closed and the street was full of trash, cranes came in to feed on the waste. Real, live, proud and beautiful cranes, the majestic birds from Chinese paintings; a bit dirty, with scruffy feathers, instead of contemplating on a shore of a beautiful lake, walking around on their long legs through piles of plastic bags and eating from the trash cans. Freezing without a movement. Flying around in a slow motion so great and huge, too big for a city birds. <br />
Nature always finds it's way, I know, but how sad and unreal that look was!<br />
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On some art installation I saw a note "I feel like a tourist in my own country". I could easily imagine that. And although I could never live there, this place has a secret charm. <br />
And has also bed bugs... We've been bitten hard during our only night in a hotel and nasty bites were itchy even six weeks later!<br />
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schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-53978100899789942962015-03-21T15:19:00.001+01:002015-03-21T15:20:50.892+01:00happily everafterOn windy, cold day in the beginning of March I got married.<br />
<br />
Bureaucracy forced us to proceed and we set up the date "for next week!", feeling excited, crazy, chaotic and a bit disappointed. <br />
We regretted that our families couldn't be there, that we didn't wait till real, flowery and sunny Spring, that it didn't turn out to go "the way we planned".<br />
<br />
It was an amazing experience in the end without any doubt. <br />
<br />
Denmark merged in North Germany, peace and quiet, village and a beautiful, comfortable house we rented on the sea side, sea, forest and raw nature waking up for Spring, which we could see right through glass-walls. <br />
<br />
Spending a day with couple of best friends, cooking, talking, sharing hearts and celebrating, no better way imaginable.<br />
<br />
A bit of magic, amazing landscapes and some of romantic, emotional symbols I like to think of as a good omen. <br />
A boat, a gate, a majestic tree, sea, even lighthouse was there.<br />
<br />
All-mighty calm, strength, comfort and love I felt that day I will keep in me forever. <br />
<br />
So this is beginning of my new future, I'm enjoying every second.<br />
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New year started extremely intense. Not only I kept to my New Year's resolutions in 120% and survived most of the Winter being in excellent mood. Last month I spent in city trains going places and running errands, healing my weather resentment with litres of coffee, books, Spanish, good food, being social and... yoga!<br />
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Due to my "I'm 30 now:let's serious" resolution I decided to seriously start exercising on a regular basis as a habit and part of my life. Just a year ago I was sure that I found my ultimate passion and perfect sport with skating, but little I knew. <br />
After knee injury I was off ALL sports for months and as the time went by and a healing progress was disappointingly slow I knew I'll never dare to skate again on a full volume.<br />
I had to find something new, a sport that does not feel like a chore, is involving, challenging and fun. <br />
Yoga is everything I need and more. After 2 months of not too intensive exercising I feel how my body changes, calibrates, somehow adjusts to it's real, proper shape and condition. It makes me want more and every session is like a little adventure, trying out new things, noticing the connections between moves, seeing if I can do it and how I improved since the last time.<br />
I'm staying with it.<br />
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February was exhausting but rewarding. <br />
I was totally involved in wedding preparations, which surprised me in so many ways that I need a separate post only about it.<br />
I was having more fun in my job than ever before, what is not a normal state of my mind.<br />
I was unexpectedly starting a new friendship I'm happy and warm about. <br />
I did not take a single picture with my camera since the mountain trip in December, so I'm just instagraming. It's all because of the weather, which is, by the way the only thing I can't stop complaining about. <br />
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Today I found a cheap source of lupin beans, one of food-loves of my life, I haven't been eating since last year's Euro-trip and Portugal. <br />
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Life is good.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2nKt_cHIt8CUpWpQt2X0Tsua2uECXnvi68acukAKtIjzIbBoF2CWI9Sr2APzHwdp14sKKr2BK1jef_ffyc2Uz4JjkAW5vw6GVQBfkCDuRs7lLhH2pVCN6oSJ1mu8ZSyI9h5nhClzUmck/s1600/11022875_1554451338156237_525368828_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2nKt_cHIt8CUpWpQt2X0Tsua2uECXnvi68acukAKtIjzIbBoF2CWI9Sr2APzHwdp14sKKr2BK1jef_ffyc2Uz4JjkAW5vw6GVQBfkCDuRs7lLhH2pVCN6oSJ1mu8ZSyI9h5nhClzUmck/s400/11022875_1554451338156237_525368828_n.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82EzzVfpItoqhzJXd1s0msl6RyVuFLq2v1A1Jh2_wxUCmgrS_gCIE5cgxYXt7UFGDIioterwZwc_0OphEKBUc3MXAJAkJM13n6xRRB3STxblcX-LkIQvC3QKCBC4rV8DT2Ho_SYm2MAQ/s1600/10903308_854749664581582_1439630550_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82EzzVfpItoqhzJXd1s0msl6RyVuFLq2v1A1Jh2_wxUCmgrS_gCIE5cgxYXt7UFGDIioterwZwc_0OphEKBUc3MXAJAkJM13n6xRRB3STxblcX-LkIQvC3QKCBC4rV8DT2Ho_SYm2MAQ/s400/10903308_854749664581582_1439630550_n.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQyhB3TTAKhDWEkdoGiSiN5T8hXFUlA7EacAdjuRZA_iumQbefd1NSS-4NYu_jgRIuttqxxZ442OnJGTaToLFD0MzpnI8ednQ2WnuzoUDCUsAXr3Dj84OSGn0qeZgcchBKOcWWvg_3gfY/s1600/10953302_392619014245824_1286278258_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQyhB3TTAKhDWEkdoGiSiN5T8hXFUlA7EacAdjuRZA_iumQbefd1NSS-4NYu_jgRIuttqxxZ442OnJGTaToLFD0MzpnI8ednQ2WnuzoUDCUsAXr3Dj84OSGn0qeZgcchBKOcWWvg_3gfY/s400/10953302_392619014245824_1286278258_n.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtCQuOEuSgXXVz9iCfW6ygySVuqXkzHrmBvX0XO4ZsrHtixB3UV2GPrGNudR1PEj6lahLrzEkubYIqcpI2cqbfSTqb5h9cZBxzanKG9sWqAb3wuBD2RDcZq6ZZvRZ779uKHWEvojHEkF8/s1600/1515095_1565057273747341_562905026_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtCQuOEuSgXXVz9iCfW6ygySVuqXkzHrmBvX0XO4ZsrHtixB3UV2GPrGNudR1PEj6lahLrzEkubYIqcpI2cqbfSTqb5h9cZBxzanKG9sWqAb3wuBD2RDcZq6ZZvRZ779uKHWEvojHEkF8/s400/1515095_1565057273747341_562905026_n.jpg" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAl2p0Sb2UFx4nPhpMb6ZYy-f2jweWGSsHC3w1Y1kP6A8H9OEc5esVuBoePc5TfkUJ0TD3jmQwdEHE9DZg5b8RQMzmDu-HvQ2LEDFW70AVoGD2SOKuo9TB8zkXblT8WEw7UDclleOtJk/s1600/924756_339068272963551_1431017290_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAl2p0Sb2UFx4nPhpMb6ZYy-f2jweWGSsHC3w1Y1kP6A8H9OEc5esVuBoePc5TfkUJ0TD3jmQwdEHE9DZg5b8RQMzmDu-HvQ2LEDFW70AVoGD2SOKuo9TB8zkXblT8WEw7UDclleOtJk/s400/924756_339068272963551_1431017290_n.jpg" /></a>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-44209026950476268182015-01-15T21:53:00.001+01:002015-01-15T21:53:26.685+01:00This is the beginning of anything you want. I said YES!"This is the beginning of anything you want.": I saw this on a Facebook wall of one of my friends. Well said, especially when it comes to New Year, resolutions, and all the hopes beginning of a year always brings.<br />
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Even I have some new year's resolutions, as always modest and humble, manageable, not too far from a comfort zone. Like more workout, more books, more art.<br />
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But in fact my comfort zone is going to be challenged once more, serious way. <br />
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This pictures have been taken in Bieszczady, Poland, during a lovely road trip we made in the end of December and over a New Year. A wild, far from civilisation, full of legends and famous part of the country I always wanted to visit turned out to be a winter wonderland.<br />
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On a New Year's Eve, on the top of the mountain (a lovely viewpoint in fact) we got engaged! Pretty awesome, totally our style, the way that makes it a cute story to tell. <br />
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But more follows. <br />
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Looks like my fate decided to actually make my life the way I wish it to be according to my biggest and deepest dreams. <br />
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I have a fiancé who's a best kind of person for me to spend a life with. And I'm moving to US to live there. Exactly the way I always wanted. <br />
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Nothing more to add for now. <br />
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Since I less and less people visit the blog and I'm not smart or stubborn enough to spread it, I'm not sure who's actually my audience.<br />
But whoever you are, thanks for coming around, please enjoy the pictures of one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to. <br />
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If you like what you see, please like my FB page and please share it on your wall. <br />
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href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnB0DuLG6j6Khz231FPnBDXQ3y0HsQcWq-7whtgsXBTog3J6NHo7537_15NP9jxqlVORAaPchbXoXmzXECPLVWBrewW_HVdtu8pMNegkegnzCKodajyp8fg2TKa9s1g_pdVgQ1pjbnKc/s1600/a.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnB0DuLG6j6Khz231FPnBDXQ3y0HsQcWq-7whtgsXBTog3J6NHo7537_15NP9jxqlVORAaPchbXoXmzXECPLVWBrewW_HVdtu8pMNegkegnzCKodajyp8fg2TKa9s1g_pdVgQ1pjbnKc/s400/a.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUE0rSpOJHVoxKRkWG5WRZsjiL0tUPNXAmZi5cDfcXTLZXQcTQA4vN13G_qCUKUyimw_yhqH9DqKtYnBNfoEiWxwL_jcd1Ps8TXat4pt9cTXhHOqb1aBwpVSLua7iSM5NLp0Ylal19AXk/s1600/k.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUE0rSpOJHVoxKRkWG5WRZsjiL0tUPNXAmZi5cDfcXTLZXQcTQA4vN13G_qCUKUyimw_yhqH9DqKtYnBNfoEiWxwL_jcd1Ps8TXat4pt9cTXhHOqb1aBwpVSLua7iSM5NLp0Ylal19AXk/s400/k.JPG" /></a>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-68162055789416518162014-12-27T21:30:00.000+01:002014-12-27T21:30:00.094+01:00Christmas lightsThe year is slowly coming to an end, asks for another summary.<br />
<br />
As I was waking up this morning, realizing that another Christmas is over I felt a tiny need for review. As always, I've spent Christmas with my family in Poland, as usual, like whole adult life, bringing my current boyfriend with me. <br />
<br />
Same food, same mood, same heart-warming, cosy atmosphere of love, acceptance, carelessness, taste of childhood, holiday laziness. Endless talks, laughs and catching up with our lives which continue separately. <br />
Not a single thing about Christmas that I hate, the matter is just to spend it with the right people. The comparison with the last Christmas shows clearly what kind of right choices I've made during this whole year.* <br />
<br />
And this was one of the best years of my entire life. <br />
I've moved on from the toxic arrangement which was eating out my energy and happiness by letting go of some of the hopes and plans. I reorganized my life and focused on myself, what I needed so much for a long time. I got more independent, calm, confident and fulfilled than ever before. I discovered an amazing person and developed a beautiful relationship that makes sun always shine.<br />
<br />
I restored energy I was drained of and I'm fully myself again.<br />
I'm looking forward to the new year and all the exciting things I will do. <br />
<br />
Love life.<br />
<br />
Enjoy the photos and see you in a New Year! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfgGIGdr7s_bzbBBWaRF9n27KYJrDqouA_zXI54LfEMRFgBh9H0KL8m8N755jWhpCLpvxu0LKQ5IXjvH8jPJQkvvBOMTQmgeSZXmEMIbZuSp5bdFTuPYy-xOjLSFBxEM5Q8cjL8fd-cuk/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfgGIGdr7s_bzbBBWaRF9n27KYJrDqouA_zXI54LfEMRFgBh9H0KL8m8N755jWhpCLpvxu0LKQ5IXjvH8jPJQkvvBOMTQmgeSZXmEMIbZuSp5bdFTuPYy-xOjLSFBxEM5Q8cjL8fd-cuk/s400/00.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9CnW2epZOhmRNpmgo4XIRX5ojcI3OxcSaHwfFdhZM4t2XJKDLUudParperCo5rHXcQXM1KSzswyxjIZ9md_65L8ICuarzydnJZAsC61FkpOeR-qY32yYq6wfQ0x4f65QRgi6q2lZQy-c/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9CnW2epZOhmRNpmgo4XIRX5ojcI3OxcSaHwfFdhZM4t2XJKDLUudParperCo5rHXcQXM1KSzswyxjIZ9md_65L8ICuarzydnJZAsC61FkpOeR-qY32yYq6wfQ0x4f65QRgi6q2lZQy-c/s400/01.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZAzMWfGMFnK50U4tAvKfIlfKXWYFRJwS2irMsNDrxFH3QpPJP72OOasvLOktfTcIduaa5LvrwgWjdbpIdcaKowFU-tDUfFFjkGESkv5Mfm5GGj9MGUapQF2I0tfUfXn0IDZGwToYpnkI/s1600/1.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZAzMWfGMFnK50U4tAvKfIlfKXWYFRJwS2irMsNDrxFH3QpPJP72OOasvLOktfTcIduaa5LvrwgWjdbpIdcaKowFU-tDUfFFjkGESkv5Mfm5GGj9MGUapQF2I0tfUfXn0IDZGwToYpnkI/s400/1.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih75jFRYOga7zKHgGK-fYnwXVga6340f627Ui6nrO02vC_gyPu14qoMvI7yuU9hl044xlFaWtFBay6jTD5kScGzL3Yp0zIKaSVp2UUbtxmoeJnO9-bPOt4WCvG2zulYxO0BxfFG0bU68I/s1600/2.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih75jFRYOga7zKHgGK-fYnwXVga6340f627Ui6nrO02vC_gyPu14qoMvI7yuU9hl044xlFaWtFBay6jTD5kScGzL3Yp0zIKaSVp2UUbtxmoeJnO9-bPOt4WCvG2zulYxO0BxfFG0bU68I/s400/2.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3PShRLixiMqWz-B6u6jvlzsu6KiDDb7SuhhD_FVJhUAopNIzYhFKaSCeVxhJ4wExm2sWOH5t-ufUS7UO_TlwGr2gVGskQ6dgP0VMfVO1N-hVIjTkP6ir2Ou2yzWdNHL9zdQCT0_yPA08/s1600/3.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3PShRLixiMqWz-B6u6jvlzsu6KiDDb7SuhhD_FVJhUAopNIzYhFKaSCeVxhJ4wExm2sWOH5t-ufUS7UO_TlwGr2gVGskQ6dgP0VMfVO1N-hVIjTkP6ir2Ou2yzWdNHL9zdQCT0_yPA08/s400/3.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxgbnR0msBQE98tMban6gMI5zQjhgdEbi5-3Zua27quInpxKtSrjMGZVYtUsTxWazzad_a4h7at0vnLZVZe89Ud_QyZ3yC-yw44yLifNPVJZtJzYlXu4pI0tm32ioIZwbzhACn3Xz-EM/s1600/4.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxgbnR0msBQE98tMban6gMI5zQjhgdEbi5-3Zua27quInpxKtSrjMGZVYtUsTxWazzad_a4h7at0vnLZVZe89Ud_QyZ3yC-yw44yLifNPVJZtJzYlXu4pI0tm32ioIZwbzhACn3Xz-EM/s400/4.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ZYgsVWbc2BaSdCUAhaaYdv8hYW2S2iQq3z74864OZ8e8-wdh274tDXFufbL5UhHBY4R2B6d0XJurql1hTRLNGJBbXepvLQecX4igiejObQKXogfOoTEgdsLQm7Hr6FAl-dWF2fGn7Ok/s1600/5.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ZYgsVWbc2BaSdCUAhaaYdv8hYW2S2iQq3z74864OZ8e8-wdh274tDXFufbL5UhHBY4R2B6d0XJurql1hTRLNGJBbXepvLQecX4igiejObQKXogfOoTEgdsLQm7Hr6FAl-dWF2fGn7Ok/s400/5.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPb77CTX36_B0l_dbGbkfhpn9wyoAvqdOlWPxLZqQ4jAwS3Wv8e3HylBFy0gJ_5pGjiuIj5-QP-xVleyd8B8GSPnG3euyT-HCAcwbqMV7O3qCKqWYXICqmY8P-pX1XZMRdN3mdZbg7wRk/s1600/6.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPb77CTX36_B0l_dbGbkfhpn9wyoAvqdOlWPxLZqQ4jAwS3Wv8e3HylBFy0gJ_5pGjiuIj5-QP-xVleyd8B8GSPnG3euyT-HCAcwbqMV7O3qCKqWYXICqmY8P-pX1XZMRdN3mdZbg7wRk/s400/6.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHxk6eJWXyu-reCvt3o9Tp8lDt5RaZgcPP5XqxVhySaJLuP3EHMnerG9UftjhglSfrqQ172CCAbSfwyfS2GIWI6bvDkjFXxv4cxipYcfNdwn9lgpBLZ4DbrXJ4hmO_4BDRip-kUzd22w/s1600/7.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHxk6eJWXyu-reCvt3o9Tp8lDt5RaZgcPP5XqxVhySaJLuP3EHMnerG9UftjhglSfrqQ172CCAbSfwyfS2GIWI6bvDkjFXxv4cxipYcfNdwn9lgpBLZ4DbrXJ4hmO_4BDRip-kUzd22w/s400/7.JPG" /></a><br />
<br />
*When in the end you discover, that you've been unfriended on Facebook, and it just makes you smile with fondness, you know that you've learned your lesson well. schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-15007077476386081322014-11-08T14:00:00.000+01:002014-11-08T14:00:01.878+01:00all my friends are deadYou know the book, maybe even better known as a meme, don't you? <a href="http://www.chroniclebooks.com/titles/all-my-friends-are-dead.html"> This one.</a><br />
<br />
I feel exactly like this, seriously, with all its awkwardness, darkness and irony. <br />
<br />
Everything started when I moved to Hamburg. Since five months my social life has been slowly, but consistently, dying. <br />
I've been through all the stages already, got stuck on a denial a bit too long but finally successfully ended up on soothing acceptance. I'm ok. Really. But it doesn't change the fact, that my social life is at the moment.. non-existent.<br />
<br />
Of course non of my friends is dead. They're just away, further or closer, but physically away. <br />
Some of them are too busy with their everyday life's joys and worries to keep in touch through emails/skype/letters. Some of them never got close enough to build something solid, some bonds got very loose and now are impossible to tie again. <br />
<br />
Even with the best friends I've ever had I'm able to meet 2-3 times a year, but even for a busy person it's way too little. <br />
And I'm trying not to be so busy, right?<br />
<br />
And how about here, in Hamburg? Here I have technically nobody. At least not a single person, who I would consider as someone taking part in my life. All the bigger and smaller friendships I had over this 3 years since I'm in Germany never turned into something deeper. I have no idea why and it doesn't matter since it's already a fact.<br />
<br />
And yes. I miss having friends. I miss the time of my life in Warsaw, this last 1,5 years before I moved to Germany. Maybe I unappreciated it back then, maybe it seems so happy and joyful from the distance.<br />
I miss going to places just to meet people, who know me, with whom I've lived my past, who I have feelings towards. I miss feeling comfortable, curious and appreciated at the same time, the lovely mix only friendship gives you. <br />
<br />
I'm not sad, although it is pretty sad and new for me. Another life lesson to learn. <br />
Sometimes I just wish somebody would call me and ask me out too. <br />
<br />
But I don't give up, I search for new options, try to make new bonds and try to let go on people who obviously are not interested in me as their friend. <br />
<br />
Well, their loss.<br />
<br />
<br />
In the meantime I look after a wonderful, loving relationship, daydream a lot, try to sleep well, read and find healthy balance between doing and not doing things. And I still take pictures. <br />
<br />
This is how beautiful is Hamburg in Fall.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWBi7EV454Vd8Npz1W9qZ6H9TbJVCW3oVFmb9862a2GPmaM0MklZgWOPi283Aj4IiajIk5YU3qhxdi4ggXqygA5ktXOKiIMXx3Ic1Kx0RfioQsPQ4vosELkP94nQPiLGYa6UYiyokTfXQ/s1600/0.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWBi7EV454Vd8Npz1W9qZ6H9TbJVCW3oVFmb9862a2GPmaM0MklZgWOPi283Aj4IiajIk5YU3qhxdi4ggXqygA5ktXOKiIMXx3Ic1Kx0RfioQsPQ4vosELkP94nQPiLGYa6UYiyokTfXQ/s640/0.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZDN1oQ0v5UgGWzchm5CX58aT3Dfc1dgmwEXk-u3CEBO5ep2vsQ06IqsWCeK1eV2-rhOc2_-1ZZxsmdQxDLzJ0ZOpGIc2f5Gkqtv-Qgrqbs_GsmpFiwGJI7imyGR0W4qhs3m_WBP_bqfw/s1600/2.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZDN1oQ0v5UgGWzchm5CX58aT3Dfc1dgmwEXk-u3CEBO5ep2vsQ06IqsWCeK1eV2-rhOc2_-1ZZxsmdQxDLzJ0ZOpGIc2f5Gkqtv-Qgrqbs_GsmpFiwGJI7imyGR0W4qhs3m_WBP_bqfw/s640/2.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvNYrDWK8C2tWx7UtOIDzOtInEOociwPhkGw_2M_3owV2PGlKOt6vn73YNS7yXYKeMHY7Q73LhZsu4YiQ4M10e6A2KzwXRyyzGOeQU_Gc-CTo2Roijf1DTsoeF96JKvTLATcl_3zaIUcA/s1600/5.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvNYrDWK8C2tWx7UtOIDzOtInEOociwPhkGw_2M_3owV2PGlKOt6vn73YNS7yXYKeMHY7Q73LhZsu4YiQ4M10e6A2KzwXRyyzGOeQU_Gc-CTo2Roijf1DTsoeF96JKvTLATcl_3zaIUcA/s640/5.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQi2ykb-sPyVjBGYeURzOvgY3P_3yMHW-V-gijSVhCYxStRicX1PvExQqRHcsmGg24hXprDTRRJtpsu1xf7QxE5QttGkKaK2yPtBaFQ9NjqD8-k3Qp0Gz3jJ8dWrFC3k33qQT2s28U7wQ/s1600/7.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQi2ykb-sPyVjBGYeURzOvgY3P_3yMHW-V-gijSVhCYxStRicX1PvExQqRHcsmGg24hXprDTRRJtpsu1xf7QxE5QttGkKaK2yPtBaFQ9NjqD8-k3Qp0Gz3jJ8dWrFC3k33qQT2s28U7wQ/s640/7.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXx_-jjmkh-1-5R5w8tSKtAmqZHHH6OYgx2E1_B7t7kwUp0Kcg5akEdsFRdZUXGsTmMThlx-t7FdkVZ0bBteEb92nPWW6bbitV7u6_18rM6uxc053ysKIjy56B-R2WOZ4W0apsisEHJcQ/s1600/8.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXx_-jjmkh-1-5R5w8tSKtAmqZHHH6OYgx2E1_B7t7kwUp0Kcg5akEdsFRdZUXGsTmMThlx-t7FdkVZ0bBteEb92nPWW6bbitV7u6_18rM6uxc053ysKIjy56B-R2WOZ4W0apsisEHJcQ/s640/8.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpeGcgmZvx-LaG6uxKRv95SgFY2Ccgh0XL3OC3xOQe_y65ZR33CGU9utiwFqKA4nVG_Zo9O69hr_0LKYbXUAF_awmq36rKRLdYe0VEuR97tpP1yWfI2e4D7tSEEYRHbe6C89fDbqk3cc/s1600/9.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpeGcgmZvx-LaG6uxKRv95SgFY2Ccgh0XL3OC3xOQe_y65ZR33CGU9utiwFqKA4nVG_Zo9O69hr_0LKYbXUAF_awmq36rKRLdYe0VEuR97tpP1yWfI2e4D7tSEEYRHbe6C89fDbqk3cc/s640/9.JPG" /></a><br />
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schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0Hamburg, Germany53.5510846 9.9936817999999952.9475631 8.702788299999991 54.1546061 11.28457529999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-54822121793522465212014-11-05T16:25:00.000+01:002014-11-10T20:32:25.468+01:00warmth<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JnmZdTiyE-Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
I have not much to say this time. Or rather so much to tell, but it all doesn't fit into words so well. I have bunch of pictures waiting for me to edit, as well as some stories to tell. But the words are not there. <br />
<br />
I'm happy. As much as I've been only few times in my life. Fall goes by, my love have moved to Berlin, so we have just weekends together and I'm still more lonely than ever, my health is giving me hell. But this calm, ease and warmth I feel now wouldn't trade for anything.<br />
<br />
I enjoy candle light, good food, reading books, learning a new language, beautiful music and movies. I enjoy every sunny day, every bike or bus ride and Fall landscapes.<br />
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I enjoy every minute together with him, as well as every hour I'm alone.<br />
<br />
I learn not to be lonely. I learn how to make friendships again.<br />
<br />
I enjoy learning to live in today, no matter how trivial it seems, no matter how exciting the future is. <br />
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I'm living the dream.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZCpiApdJRPgeIiH3jmqwmQuVdyPuKlXKS02iMoNafwIiYR_3rw_f7bymigHHFUW2udjRmFPO1IT7tLHdiah4X6uGNlOnI-0gU_rGVN8VuGwhxKB5TV0lABWnIUiNMZtallSBmPFE00jM/s1600/10690022_565676893533847_3157145157330658886_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZCpiApdJRPgeIiH3jmqwmQuVdyPuKlXKS02iMoNafwIiYR_3rw_f7bymigHHFUW2udjRmFPO1IT7tLHdiah4X6uGNlOnI-0gU_rGVN8VuGwhxKB5TV0lABWnIUiNMZtallSBmPFE00jM/s400/10690022_565676893533847_3157145157330658886_n.jpg" /></a>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-21406349009210396342014-09-14T21:53:00.000+02:002014-09-14T21:53:02.285+02:00AftersummerSummer is a magic time of wonders and adventure, as if anything could happen, like I'm always waiting for something to come true. <br />
I remember spending Summers of my teenage and young adult years in a constant craving for love, passion, miracles I could think of and remember about.<br />
Craving for something to happen with my life, that will make it worth writing a book about it. Or making a movie. And I never felt special enough in my own eyes.<br />
<br />
But it changed and at some point things started to happen that made it worth writing about it. Or I just started to live my life this way. <br />
<br />
This Summer was not adventurous, I was working a lot, my one and only planned trip to Czech Republic for Fluff Fest did not work out, I was in Hamburg most of the time.<br />
<br />
But the Summer was hot, it let me sleep and swim naked, wear summer dresses and never get cold, even in the middle of the night. It let me wish upon a star, enjoy food, nature and bike, read as much as I please. <br />
But most of all, this was a Summer of my love, our love; <br />
trying out, getting closer, learning and teaching trust, sharing and giving and becoming better versions of us. <br />
Without sacrificing anything, staying warm, charmed, safe and confident. <br />
<br />
But the Summer is over, as always, too soon. I had to switch rapidly to another season, with all of it's features, although I was not ready at all. <br />
<br />
And we are still here, stronger than ever before.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnarpkFcCxnsIu9DF2SH-eW01w9BgAFIYvxCz12LfAioO5vUwE789LtUPOzvJKTPp4g2ZsOYW-9FGyWzcpT617_RsWWm9M7ZJ-9dBdZvuVHZ9TGEQI85bbMJltpcdtqsR0IKj0UJIkO4M/s1600/af1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnarpkFcCxnsIu9DF2SH-eW01w9BgAFIYvxCz12LfAioO5vUwE789LtUPOzvJKTPp4g2ZsOYW-9FGyWzcpT617_RsWWm9M7ZJ-9dBdZvuVHZ9TGEQI85bbMJltpcdtqsR0IKj0UJIkO4M/s400/af1.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwDI40Oys3jUgZ36jHDpZLV8XlnBwGf4uE-Q-dj585cygEimS2pjsmXYSjexW4tmyvsDRRF1t3V4WVXgobx3ODLxZp_gZHfiOokDcjjtyMdxsH76HHrR74CBQZ5alXaACxbd5HJhgQiKQ/s1600/af2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwDI40Oys3jUgZ36jHDpZLV8XlnBwGf4uE-Q-dj585cygEimS2pjsmXYSjexW4tmyvsDRRF1t3V4WVXgobx3ODLxZp_gZHfiOokDcjjtyMdxsH76HHrR74CBQZ5alXaACxbd5HJhgQiKQ/s400/af2.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nhX_gycLn1b7yHlRRwtdQ2OK8MwSc5-thQtiyhRdl6hH2e_WccZKOK1D7VTb3CAb2iIFOeZ8JSYK1mOG1Ot5uQ453jC-L-8HVIgGGtrB2oIE52NCeoiiW7Udl9to170dsifSocshQaA/s1600/af3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nhX_gycLn1b7yHlRRwtdQ2OK8MwSc5-thQtiyhRdl6hH2e_WccZKOK1D7VTb3CAb2iIFOeZ8JSYK1mOG1Ot5uQ453jC-L-8HVIgGGtrB2oIE52NCeoiiW7Udl9to170dsifSocshQaA/s400/af3.JPG" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-86614160665287802422014-08-12T22:49:00.001+02:002014-08-12T22:49:56.135+02:00There will be a way. A new chapter.I wanted to write this post a long time ago. Or at least as soon as I moved to Hamburg. Or as soon as I fell in love with my new imperfect life.<br />
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At the end of Winter I decided to leave the house project, where I was living and working for almost 3 years. The list of reasons is long, but the most important was, that I had not enough reasons to stay. And a strong need to move on. <br />
<br />
I found a job in my profession at the same time as I found an apartment. I re-entered a well-known world of wage work and buying my free time. It cost me a lot to admit this, but it wasn't the hardest choice I've ever made. <br />
And I felt even some sort of relief. <br />
<br />
Old habits die hard, they say..<br />
<br />
The same relief I felt moving again to a big city with a big river in the middle. And I live on the "wrong" side of the river again! <br />
<br />
I love Hamburg with all my heart, for being so spacious, busy, unable to discover, full of surprises, generous in giving me my privacy, freedom and anonymity. <br />
<br />
I love simple joys, listening to the music on a subway on my way to work, riding a bike through summer park, having a pick-nick by the river, watching a movie in an open-air cinema, having a beer on a crowded street on a summer evening. Going or organising events.<br />
Smell of a river breeze. <br />
<br />
And I'm not alone in this. I have the best company I could think of. We're so beautifully, consciously together. We're heading forward to the future, just the way we wanted. Just like that. <br />
And it works, damn*, this really works. But that's another story. <br />
<br />
I'm just happy. Bonjour bonheur!<br />
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<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/did1jSpfbhw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
"There Will Be A Way"<br />
<br />
shut your eyes,<br />
see the future's distant shore<br />
march ahead<br />
more enlightened than before<br />
and there's sure to be bumps<br />
and distractions<br />
but I know we'll get through<br />
there will be me, there will be you<br />
there will be a way<br />
unresolved repercussions from your life<br />
fortified with the vitriol of strife<br />
and you can be gridlocked by predictions,<br />
but you're wise grab the prize<br />
then revise, realize<br />
there will be a way<br />
hey... ho<br />
and I don't know where we are going<br />
but we're here on this ride<br />
and we'll stand side by side<br />
all along the way<br />
follow me to the future's distant shore<br />
vagary needn't haunt us anymore<br />
and now it's time to set the agenda,<br />
learn the past, make it last<br />
share the wealth, hold your fire,<br />
conserve life, make it right<br />
kill the hate, negotiate<br />
there will be a way<br />
there will be a way<br />
there will be a wayschwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-83555970651212761872014-07-10T17:42:00.000+02:002014-07-10T17:48:05.407+02:00Big Spring European Trip: ParisHitchhiking in France was bearable. Nothing special and definetely nothing from this amazing feeling I had before, freedom and joy of travelling for free and meeting people on the way. <br />
Yes, there were people and they gave us a ride, but it was cold, wet, difficult, slow and frustrating. <br />
Nevertheless we got to Paris one evening, tired, dusty and having no place to sleep. <br />
But it was worth it.<br />
<br />
Paris I knew only from 19th century books, and from what I've heard from friends it's supposed to be totally overrated, loud, unfriendly and ugly. <br />
<br />
We spend five days there, walking and biking it through. <br />
Sure, it is loud and busy to pure madness level I cannot compare with any other city. <br />
It's full of extreme unfriendly, hostile people and weird municipal rules. And damned expensive! <br />
<br />
But it's full of this special kind of magic you find in old, big cities, which remember other centuries. As if the streets and walls soaked up with all the stories, emotions, sorrows and joys of many human beings, who lived, loved, created and died there over so many years. <br />
<br />
A city so full of substance that it's like a separate world, one have to get to know from the beginning. <br />
And absolutely charming. Not the whole city is beautiful, that's sure but there are not just pretty streets, there are whole beautiful districts, compounding in a huge, overwhelming, breath-taking picture. <br />
<br />
People who lived there say though, that it's just a mirage, impression, a romance that turns cold, soon after you fall in love. That one can't live and be happy there.<br />
<br />
Don't get fooled by pretty parks, flowers and trees, theaters and galleries.<br />
<br />
Well, I enjoyed it a lot. Enjoyed our fresh relation, that was growing beautiful and fascinating under the spring trees.<br />
<br />
If you fall in love, go to Paris. <br />
<br />
Hitch-hiking to Germany was a nightmare. I truly gave up all the hope and sympathy for this way of transportation. Maybe I grew old, maybe people grew selfish, but it just does not work as it was before. I was making jokes that one day, in many years I will tell children, how once it was possible to catch a ride with a stranger and get wherever you wanted, totally for free. They will surely not believe me.<br />
<br />
On our way back we visited friends in Cologne, had a lovely few days enjoying first days of a real Spring and preparing to a real, hard life back in Hamburg. We stayed together and came back so much stronger. <br />
<br />
Maybe there is no such thing as bad luck at all?<br />
<br />
<br />
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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdpmBO8Iwmdo9CnWoqifue-2Pf9M2uAYl5yaWZS6uP30WuqxKc-lgB9Iyig5wXEo8ifJarmwP1B5CjCWGfo-LlgDGu-WC866YldNBDI4e47xplNPQJYOKexOJadsjLXqsOVlrrr6-swXs/s1600/22.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdpmBO8Iwmdo9CnWoqifue-2Pf9M2uAYl5yaWZS6uP30WuqxKc-lgB9Iyig5wXEo8ifJarmwP1B5CjCWGfo-LlgDGu-WC866YldNBDI4e47xplNPQJYOKexOJadsjLXqsOVlrrr6-swXs/s400/22.JPG" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-48685818987885852682014-07-10T16:58:00.002+02:002014-07-10T17:43:09.751+02:00Big Spring European Trip: SpainSpain was kind of disappointment.<br />
<br />
Not that I expected a lovely warm sun and mild ocean breeze in Basque Country at the end of March.. Okay, I admit. That's exactly what I expected. Well, not this time.<br />
<br />
It was terribly cold, rain never stopped and wind was tearing our heads off. <br />
But meeting friends, landscapes and magnificent, angry and scary, beautiful ocean made it up to us. <br />
Spain still has one more chance to show it's nicest side. <br />
<br />
From the French border we took off in a Czech truck with a nice driver.<br />
<br />
<br />
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As usual, I'm sorry for being silent for so long. The life has its ways and rules, I had to bring some order into it and it took me a while. <br />
A lot happened within all these months, not all I will recall. What's important, is some kind of magic chain of coincidences, that seem to be happening to me, bringing up similar situations, dates and places from the past. And millions of memories. <br />
And hopes. And dreams.<br />
<br />
So, that trip should be called BIG SPRING NEW-LOVE-SEE-HOW-WE-GET-TOGETHER EUROPEAN TRIP. But the love was not yet love back then. It doesn't matter now anyway. So:<br />
<br />
We decided to take a trip before we both find a job and run out of time or run out of money on the first place. A bit crazy, concerning the fact that I was without job and flat, knowing that after we come back I have to fix everything ASAP.<br />
<br />
We were supposed to meet some friends in San Sebastián, Spain, but since the only cheap flights we found were to Porto, Portugal, the plan was to spend a few days there and hitch-hike back visiting Spain, Paris and Cologne on the way. <br />
<br />
This is the same route I made with one of my best friends in Fall four years ago, going from Cologne, Bruxelles and hitch-hiking further down South to.. Porto, where she used to live. <br />
Can't even tell how much I've learned during this 1,5 months then, about myself, world and making choices and making friends.<br />
<br />
So I was about to do the same with my fresh new relationship. In the middle of March!<br />
Brave.<br />
<br />
It was also my first flight, nice experience. We got to Porto almost missing the airport bus in Hamburg, him being totally ill and me awaiting a great adventure and wave of memories. <br />
Porto did not surprise me though, I've seen a lot during these years and the city, however beautiful, was just a memory. <br />
We've been welcomed by the friends of a friends in their house with a roof-garden in a ruined building, had a nice day on a beach, I finally could eat as much of baked chestnuts as I wanted (food in Portugal is way cheaper than in Germany) and we camped in a lovely fairy-tale bushes in the middle of the city. <br />
We didn't hitch-hike anywhere. After 1,5 days of standing in one spot we gave up and took a train straight to Spain. <br />
<br />
<br />
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And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again<br />
And I've got arrogance down to a science<br />
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends"</i><br />
(Fall Out Boy)<br />
<br />
Oh, yes. Nice to see you all again. I'm back. I managed not to freeze to death, not to turn into a bat and fall into winter sleep. Not to freak out.<br />
<br />
But well, my morals have been definitely harmed. <br />
I've spent the weirdest two months since a long, long time. Met, got to know, talked, cried and interacted with more people than in the whole last year.<br />
<br />
I've been to few safe places, where I could hide and keep warm, distance from the storms waiting for me back home, reflect on my shattered heart and got together with a lot of friendly souls I've been missing. And as much as I've never needed so much friendship, warmth, support, wisdom, reflection, analysis, distance, closeness and love - this much I received from you all.<br />
<br />
I want to thank all of the people, who I talked to, wrote or texted during this time; every person, who heard my sad story or saw my helpless tears, who gave me advice or who just listened. Who dispelled the clouds for me, so I can see the sun. Who always called me to check, if I'm fine. Who asked, if I need to talk. Who said, that they love me anyway and that I'm the best. And who promised that I can always call, whenever I'm down again.<br />
<br />
I also thank all those who shared their bodies, warmth and closeness with me, although sometimes it maybe didn't turn out exactly the way we wanted to.<br />
<br />
The old friends, who love me and know me so well, family, my buddies and girlfriends, my pen pals and some new friendly and lovely discoveries.<br />
<br />
You people all saved me from something really bad, what was coming on me, what I didn't even want to see.<br />
<br />
You know, who you are. You're the best.<br />
<br />
Right now I'm in the middle of something, like, coming back to myself. I try not to get distracted. And when I am distracted in this sweetest and most unexpected way, I don't really mind, as long as we both keep away from falling head over heels. As long as we keep our feet on the ground and minds open and fresh. <br />
<br />
So I guess I'd better go for a walk in the snow, before it melts. Or bake some vegan marshmallows on the stick in the middle of the desert.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjECkAEosiAkY6IvXL7vyTqbrGQA3zlzXJ7m3oQQk6UgMRcLztJjYMftbhXACBbR5QqKtpfss8nzxhpifcQ2ZUiSsfWZ86Z-L62CZwBBFV1b6qL2z2_xm1xeEAilW2xT5GDj_YCPJTsW84/s1600/1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjECkAEosiAkY6IvXL7vyTqbrGQA3zlzXJ7m3oQQk6UgMRcLztJjYMftbhXACBbR5QqKtpfss8nzxhpifcQ2ZUiSsfWZ86Z-L62CZwBBFV1b6qL2z2_xm1xeEAilW2xT5GDj_YCPJTsW84/s320/1.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiltUNhmx69FCazP3uYVpjX-iBeioJT9BJISJZBcRKTBZ55Is77qUajraRJcwLDe4bdNFTswOHudowdc56xZWMNn6cndvbV_vJzsN6HWmWmH9L5huZhyphenhyphensXlBWURudo3CjsPdfuHizYqfQA/s1600/2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiltUNhmx69FCazP3uYVpjX-iBeioJT9BJISJZBcRKTBZ55Is77qUajraRJcwLDe4bdNFTswOHudowdc56xZWMNn6cndvbV_vJzsN6HWmWmH9L5huZhyphenhyphensXlBWURudo3CjsPdfuHizYqfQA/s320/2.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcnTBBHI_7W0xCpiSohMTs8nNVBXoxuw0FB0tKObkx73JTbz5KmA476KVGgpVRCrVM6WIvSucFwLPQNehU1h_fJt_cXrmr0QsQzCVXxpLMW7_q91KNLdeRyOBNbAxwaapTcrZJfmtlmsE/s1600/4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcnTBBHI_7W0xCpiSohMTs8nNVBXoxuw0FB0tKObkx73JTbz5KmA476KVGgpVRCrVM6WIvSucFwLPQNehU1h_fJt_cXrmr0QsQzCVXxpLMW7_q91KNLdeRyOBNbAxwaapTcrZJfmtlmsE/s320/4.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGppoPnzWOYwRiIMAZHHUEgBmcCryI_ET0oWsk6lA2Zv-PCbAnRpJWQ3RJR_lQY_r161vWP4TBx_YtHYg8p88PsJOhVEmGPkpV_Grdjrvk2KU9Qyz4b3ayeKe7qrU7mRufdG0OtZWustM/s1600/3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGppoPnzWOYwRiIMAZHHUEgBmcCryI_ET0oWsk6lA2Zv-PCbAnRpJWQ3RJR_lQY_r161vWP4TBx_YtHYg8p88PsJOhVEmGPkpV_Grdjrvk2KU9Qyz4b3ayeKe7qrU7mRufdG0OtZWustM/s320/3.JPG" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-59102063222719414392013-12-13T14:57:00.001+01:002013-12-13T14:57:07.092+01:00Oh the unspeakable things. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUDS4-vNOBVb2JefL-FCXH4Ms8EhLNBGr-7_SxQFL2NXcWWCrvQx6wIDyWOHfgMogD2C1k3y5WN70oBuGvNR2Ls9ewt3pup4JkHSXMrJUBgwiyG3NG-kyZ6DewVCyL_-LMUFGk78f9d5A/s1600/daydreaming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUDS4-vNOBVb2JefL-FCXH4Ms8EhLNBGr-7_SxQFL2NXcWWCrvQx6wIDyWOHfgMogD2C1k3y5WN70oBuGvNR2Ls9ewt3pup4JkHSXMrJUBgwiyG3NG-kyZ6DewVCyL_-LMUFGk78f9d5A/s320/daydreaming.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Unbelievable how inspiring are heartbreaks. I've always loved all those exaggerated, dramatic, poetic lyrics about love, loneliness, break-ups and sorrow, even when they came from cheesy indie or pop-punk bands.<br />
All those metaphors about dying, bleeding, shooting, waiting, leaving and letting go, breaking of hearts, souls, lives and minds, where things are never, forever, always, too late. <br />
First, as a teenager I thought "well, that probably happens, when you find a love of your life and it collapses, like, once in your life".<br />
But as the time went by, I've noticed, that all my love stories are the same way dramatic and I could use the same words to describe it. <br />
I mean all of them. And I had to wonder if artists who wrote those songs are a special kind of people, who extraordinary tend to endure emotional sickness or experience enchantment and passion towards beauty and love and have to express it by writing, music or other art? I guess there are plenty of people, who don't experience those complex emotions and suffering/passion and live emotionally calm lives, never really sad but maybe also never really happy. <br />
But long before that I thought about it, I also started to write, like it was the most natural need. Like an automatic reaction to get over emotions and feelings. I had to write down the pain and the beauty which was overflowing in me.<br />
<br />
But for a long, long years I thought that how I see the world, with all those extremes is just a normal way of dealing with stuff and can't be any different.<br />
But maybe those kind of people get into all those troubles, because they can't deal with life properly and can't build healthy relationships, that's why happen all those sad things they later write about. And as a positive aspect: they can find beauty there, where others don't see it. In the end even the worst nightmare can be beautiful and touching when you describe it with passion. <br />
I believe that for those like them relationships have to be extreme emotional, otherwise it's just not worth it, even though it usually ends up in pain and tears on the knees. <br />
Not because they're so unlucky, but because they can't make it right without hurting themselves and others, getting dependent or distanced, lost and confused or ruthless and cruel. <br />
For those like them love is also a million colours, smells and sounds, words and whispers which have have a meaning so deep, that you can feel them on your skin and emotions, which fill every landscape, street and weather. <br />
Music you love gives it a breath-taking flavour and pace and connecting all those sensations together make the heart beat faster. <br />
For those like them the mid-state is just a phase between one amazement and another heartache. Or both at the same time if you wish, nothing is impossible, heart is endlessly capable, isn't it? <br />
And in the end how would it be possible to survive the darkness, when you wouldn't be able to see all this amazing beauty and then make art about it all!<br />
<br />
For those like them. For those like me..<br />
<br />
Last months I went through hell of dying relationship, the hardest one I've ever been to. We loved and abandoned, hurt and soothed, promised to and let down each other so many times, that it eventually burned down to the ground, until there was nothing left, just cinders and rain. <br />
I also went through the break-up post traumatic syndrome with all possible features. From broken, bleeding heart, burning jealousy and pain so hard that I couldn't breathe, lack of sleep and eat, falling down to my knees crying for relief through never ending nights of talks and days of silence, until the final blow, breakthrough and relief.<br />
I know that it's not over yet, but I'm rebounding. <br />
<br />
I write this all sitting on the bus going through whole germany to visit one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. <br />
And at the most beautiful sunrise I rush through the most beautiful landscapes full of wonders of European early Winter, the sights, frost, clouds and fields, until the sunset of this one short Winter day. <br />
And the music comes with me.<br />
<br />
And I know, I need to leave this past, the same way as I left other pasts behind me, both good and bad, one after another. <br />
I have to put myself together again, but it won't be the same me as before. Some things died in me on the way, too fragile to keep them alive. <br />
<br />
This song I found in your room and it enchanted me. You wanted to keep it for yourself, but it was too late. I stole it and I'll love it as all the beautiful songs that gave me strength. as something I reclaimed back from you. "This place I go, the land I see for miles" is somewhere where I'm heading to. I plan to be happy there. <br />
Again.<br />
<br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/UvTZwhOHYVA?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
.........................................<br />
<br />
Dark Dark Dark – Daydreaming<br />
<br />
Think of a place I would go,<br />
I’m daydreamin’,<br />
Where the sycamore grow,<br />
I’m daydreamin’,<br />
And oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
Where the air was so clear,<br />
Oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
Anywhere but here.<br />
<br />
Oh now look to the east,<br />
Great mountains remember me,<br />
Oh I wound around you for miles,<br />
I sat down right there and stretched my bones.<br />
And oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
Oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
Oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
You would see, too.<br />
<br />
Oh the unspeakable things,<br />
It’s land I can see for miles,<br />
With only the wind whispering,<br />
Land I can see for miles,<br />
With only the wind whispering,<br />
Oh land I can see for miles,<br />
With only the wind whispering,<br />
Oh I’d run as fast as I can<br />
Land I can see for miles<br />
Oh I’m searching,<br />
With only the wind whispering,<br />
Oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
Oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
Oh if you knew what it meant to me,<br />
You would see, too.<br />
<br />
Oh the unspeakable things,<br />
Oh the unspeakable things,<br />
Oh the unspeakable things,<br />
Oh the unspeakable things. schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-41134652241952119622013-11-18T19:45:00.000+01:002013-11-18T19:45:27.626+01:00the grass was greenerI love Autumn. This year it was so generous with mild weather that it was reminding me all the time about my visit in Portugal 3 years ago. When everything seemed so easy, I was freer and happier than ever in my life and I was standing at the ocean shore enjoying the moment of taking the first step into the new, fantastic and exciting life. That was so long time ago.. When the grass was greener and the light brighter and the friends were all around me.<br />
<br />
I sometimes feel like I lost so much energy on the way to the place where I'm now, and although I still carry this beautiful world inside me, it's harder and harder to feel it, reach it see it's warm light. <br />
<br />
Another Autumn with taking pictures, I feel though, that they get more and more sad. Just as if my dark and foggy mood would pour into camera. <br />
<br />
I also love weird videos, like this one, which is so sad and beautiful at the same time, that gives me creeps.<br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/57294780">Pink Floyd "High Hopes"</a><br />
As I was editing the pictures I've noticed, that they remind me so much about this song and video. And once again, very special video from my early youth, one of the most inspiring I've ever seen. And I guess I don't have to mention, how the lyrics fit my actual state..<br />
<br />
I feel like I would just came out of this video, straight out of this autumn fields, but those are those fields I saw on a bike trip and took pictures of some weeks ago in the North of Germany. <br />
The good times are gone, friends are far away and I don't have the new ones, loves ended up in debris and disappointments, plans whether didn't work out, or brought no fulfilment. Energy, will and mad joy that filled me like this golden-pink sunlight from the video faded sometime, that I've never noticed. <br />
Of course I still do my things, start even new ones, I read a lot, I'm active, I quit my unsatisfying job, I educate myself, I look for the new solutions,paths to follow, plans for the future. I have to be happy somehow, not needing to worry about food, house, basic freedom, chance to fulfil myself. I'm damned lucky, I must say.<br />
<br />
I carry on. But the light is gone, I'm calm and cold, tormenting myself with memories of home, warmth, love and all the unfulfilled promises I gave to myself. <br />
And waiting for the great loneliness, that will soon and unavoidably come.<br />
<br />
Please enjoy the pictures. Please leave a comment if you only read that. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbLKB0Ebws8fibQQY8okmD71eUOi_Jhf0po6m32R4UF-_AJvYJojtIqJywthyphenhyphenvTpYRCMRSVsP25eO6uGMKsDDpu8im4iMCuARLnPWPIdggvpr3-4t89pFMtaT0BK_H5YFl9EIB5dPDgxQ/s1600/pinkf.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbLKB0Ebws8fibQQY8okmD71eUOi_Jhf0po6m32R4UF-_AJvYJojtIqJywthyphenhyphenvTpYRCMRSVsP25eO6uGMKsDDpu8im4iMCuARLnPWPIdggvpr3-4t89pFMtaT0BK_H5YFl9EIB5dPDgxQ/s400/pinkf.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
...........................................................<br />
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young<br />
In a world of magnets and miracles<br />
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary<br />
The ringing of the division bell had begun<br />
<br />
Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway<br />
Do they still meet there by the Cut<br />
<br />
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps<br />
Running before time took our dreams away<br />
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground<br />
To a life consumed by slow decay<br />
<br />
The grass was greener<br />
The light was brighter<br />
With friends surrounded<br />
The night of wonder<br />
<br />
Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us<br />
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side<br />
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again<br />
Dragged by the force of some inner tide<br />
<br />
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled<br />
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world<br />
<br />
Encumbered forever by desire and ambition<br />
There's a hunger still unsatisfied<br />
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon<br />
Though down this road we've been so many times<br />
<br />
The grass was greener<br />
The light was brighter<br />
The taste was sweeter<br />
The nights of wonder<br />
With friends surrounded<br />
The dawn mist glowing<br />
The water flowing<br />
The endless river<br />
<br />
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schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-16936197893292355212013-10-07T21:29:00.000+02:002014-11-07T20:59:36.116+01:00Postcards from SwedenDespite the fact that south of Sweden is notorious for bad weather, we had only one rainy evening during our trip. I spend it making postcards out of, as usually, found flyers, newspapers, maps and tourist-brochures. <br />
<br />
The exciting part was, that we were camping in the forest that night, on a spot between the lake without a beach, where we planned to swim and and empty house. And another tent, which belonged, as it turned out, to some nice, but rather boring two Berlin teenagers. <br />
<br />
But Summer and forest is definitely not my thing. Way too much insects and sounds. That was actually a bit scary.<br />
<br />
But I like the postcards anyway.<br />
<br />
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Instead of sweet-couple vacation I went with a friend on a relaxed hanging out in search of lost emotional independence. <br />
A lot happened after that, masses of things. Relationship situation changed drastically several times but the feeling of self-consciousness and independence didn't.<br />
That's one of the reasons, why I post the backpack pictures now. The other is, that there were just so many pictures to edit and I find doing it really pretty boring. <br />
<br />
Anyway, we made really relaxed travel through Scania and I would lie if I would say that I wasn't a bit of disappointed. <br />
<br />
Sweden is cloudy, neat, clean, expensive, friendly, speaks English and sometimes even German, does sports and gives a ride to hitch-hikers (except one 10 km walk on a countryside road). The nature is of course nice, you can camp anywhere you want (e.g. in the city park at the beach) and people don't ask questions. I also didn't notice too many tourists.<br />
<br />
Wild Nils Holgersson's goose are everywhere on the lawns and parks looking like fake, also peacocks and five different species of seagulls. Food is expensive like hell except for french fries and vegan ice-cream, which are cheaper than cow-milk ones.<br />
The only alternative spot in Malmö was nice anarchist vegan café-infoshop, where we saw an old lady who tried (in our comprehension) to sell flowers to the bar tender. In the end she just gave him one and stayed a longer while chatting, looking like a regular customer or just a friend.<br />
<br />
But there was no thrill. No much of this extraordinary feeling I usually get when I visit another country. Good or bad, it doesn't matter, but I expect sensations. <br />
And from Sweden, as a regular fan of Swedish movies, music and literature I expected even more. Maybe too much.<br />
<br />
And got a little bit of Bergman mood when we found an abandoned farm which looked exactly like from one of the movies, or at the sea side, on the quay, in wind and silence on the beach or in the bizarre but cheerful sculptures, fountains and other street decorations. But I found Sweden so modest, moderate, calm and somehow unreachable. Maybe it just needs more time, focus and attention. <br />
<br />
Maybe next time.<br />
We'll see each other again, Sweden. <br />
<br />
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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSW7ZjXfnA_gmR1PfCOQLk0PA3CPKWMsFmXybOn8VNrDRsxdHSrNlr8V0jeIrpvch3jWFK-u7GVWtRAGYUFIKCFrUFMwAFEpKw_aB2QnNaJ63YKivFe62EIocEJM7I-EDDXlvSlmJFSUA/s1600/sw4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSW7ZjXfnA_gmR1PfCOQLk0PA3CPKWMsFmXybOn8VNrDRsxdHSrNlr8V0jeIrpvch3jWFK-u7GVWtRAGYUFIKCFrUFMwAFEpKw_aB2QnNaJ63YKivFe62EIocEJM7I-EDDXlvSlmJFSUA/s400/sw4.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_nNxVy65GZzDTZxsYfAekHu6HVGs_-U6enK0A1s3Y8F8vS2qHrINdpymQ41w33kGDTZ4MdszQK8C2GksAVEchLgMDlLvOGxsDttDb_WDjZMHplNkxda1H3xpmGG-Teplr_1hn67wzHTU/s1600/sw5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_nNxVy65GZzDTZxsYfAekHu6HVGs_-U6enK0A1s3Y8F8vS2qHrINdpymQ41w33kGDTZ4MdszQK8C2GksAVEchLgMDlLvOGxsDttDb_WDjZMHplNkxda1H3xpmGG-Teplr_1hn67wzHTU/s400/sw5.JPG" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-39825145031768501302013-09-30T21:05:00.000+02:002014-11-07T21:01:38.182+01:00Some street artI finally managed to collect some of pictures of my works.<br />
I always knew how much fun does it make, but now, when I'm doing it for real I can fully appreciate it. Funny how easy I got into choosing spray paint colours, planning spots and thinking out the pictures.<br />
I like that it doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be anything at all, except for what I want it to be. <br />
<br />
And I want just a bit of fun and art satisfaction for myself and some colour for others who see it, in a freedom-derived, unrestrained form. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZtCvIn9-Vxn1GyHp_i1A_sc4QVtC3cNtCctRenxWNKmwf8GgOnpkyCWDNmqA4jmHHQ1xEPqH1GmMgwankj0X7jFtWXbvptmhlwDTyEPVp8WELySQ1s8VbIIh1G6SsGGCW_IJwTJAE7WQ/s1600/jes1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZtCvIn9-Vxn1GyHp_i1A_sc4QVtC3cNtCctRenxWNKmwf8GgOnpkyCWDNmqA4jmHHQ1xEPqH1GmMgwankj0X7jFtWXbvptmhlwDTyEPVp8WELySQ1s8VbIIh1G6SsGGCW_IJwTJAE7WQ/s400/jes1.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjts8cVEnXH959EDECYfTA6YCFMePwza3CkPghz_knTzJdZ2sGfSYv2GtYNpYKwbhzYnBfNnJEXlfiBU-SE2_wGTIC7IVXg8PnM9bXaatKFE112pMtSFCn6cv2Tl_zX9wX0slragKJ-M1E/s1600/jes2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjts8cVEnXH959EDECYfTA6YCFMePwza3CkPghz_knTzJdZ2sGfSYv2GtYNpYKwbhzYnBfNnJEXlfiBU-SE2_wGTIC7IVXg8PnM9bXaatKFE112pMtSFCn6cv2Tl_zX9wX0slragKJ-M1E/s400/jes2.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKKAMhdZNktXkfFj3kbBJBsXFw2sr5fO3n81WSdQwz59QeZSnQjOnhBQCv9XyR3cEo-U47_YQ8SEAmM483E6QCA__tOdRDpa0fcMxb25zIjl438zm23MXlYPBztqLngy3dN7Hm98JsbUw/s1600/jes3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKKAMhdZNktXkfFj3kbBJBsXFw2sr5fO3n81WSdQwz59QeZSnQjOnhBQCv9XyR3cEo-U47_YQ8SEAmM483E6QCA__tOdRDpa0fcMxb25zIjl438zm23MXlYPBztqLngy3dN7Hm98JsbUw/s400/jes3.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaOZfNhyyIgdAcp9vPBYJsNz6a3j3B3IiJY-Cf1giCKBF85VbE3JZYcRJYy7ihYkKZVVlkd9liq2074HauVHA4C4luXWNmQbaFm92QM-vXI6wql9yw9qm8OCYu7dcRKGFII0tpP-_QNdc/s1600/jes4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaOZfNhyyIgdAcp9vPBYJsNz6a3j3B3IiJY-Cf1giCKBF85VbE3JZYcRJYy7ihYkKZVVlkd9liq2074HauVHA4C4luXWNmQbaFm92QM-vXI6wql9yw9qm8OCYu7dcRKGFII0tpP-_QNdc/s400/jes4.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie9jJPYBOHq8T-Jo_T1UTnGqLJ45UA-zfcJSSBZDsUSoXYtXpUXe9bs3cQczGT2kWjRbuyyK5MVxkYo_jO98o9swBmjLmsPOSz8-lf2OB1JIdDXERBgO-Op0nSmrF4mhSZFzT6YOPcAQo/s1600/jes5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie9jJPYBOHq8T-Jo_T1UTnGqLJ45UA-zfcJSSBZDsUSoXYtXpUXe9bs3cQczGT2kWjRbuyyK5MVxkYo_jO98o9swBmjLmsPOSz8-lf2OB1JIdDXERBgO-Op0nSmrF4mhSZFzT6YOPcAQo/s400/jes5.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihT5fT5xCj-NJtbWp6WAJKZmNfhtGWnMpGz89DYCHvzGFmviY6ACr02KPsPuBjD3CiSaWhcI1pG8K17575sJMiKCf-mJ19z84kItdDl1U8S-OQ7GOkP36kceNhwFBaX_viZ1Flqg7BIPs/s1600/jes8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihT5fT5xCj-NJtbWp6WAJKZmNfhtGWnMpGz89DYCHvzGFmviY6ACr02KPsPuBjD3CiSaWhcI1pG8K17575sJMiKCf-mJ19z84kItdDl1U8S-OQ7GOkP36kceNhwFBaX_viZ1Flqg7BIPs/s400/jes8.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3VYQ6YDqOhur4wMMe7JlhPzcUhHBv8JlSspUqBaq5GB0uH38bCH0DoDQeQQ1xKrPEmnLWUQuuWDKxrWjZ7GkaT2nNuWQnTXCICQHfy_Z-dNCVljkLWOMPNY0nz67fKQXP8-kwmZimu5E/s1600/jes9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3VYQ6YDqOhur4wMMe7JlhPzcUhHBv8JlSspUqBaq5GB0uH38bCH0DoDQeQQ1xKrPEmnLWUQuuWDKxrWjZ7GkaT2nNuWQnTXCICQHfy_Z-dNCVljkLWOMPNY0nz67fKQXP8-kwmZimu5E/s400/jes9.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuHGcKkjpXHVbDEHDexbTZdwkTbQF2jUztQkvFQjt9l0vbS_HvC9x9mXk2v911Z34oAVwEeuo3VLepNTrxkoz9Au4Gu7MG-8gantDmD750TDJmv4ZbaO5ym5O92oK3UXsJs-nIKdTsaiU/s1600/jes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuHGcKkjpXHVbDEHDexbTZdwkTbQF2jUztQkvFQjt9l0vbS_HvC9x9mXk2v911Z34oAVwEeuo3VLepNTrxkoz9Au4Gu7MG-8gantDmD750TDJmv4ZbaO5ym5O92oK3UXsJs-nIKdTsaiU/s400/jes.JPG" /></a></div>schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-20437935693668938502013-09-30T20:32:00.000+02:002013-09-30T20:32:42.654+02:00The Autumn is backand I'm not really sure if I'm happy about it. Normally I was always a bit fed up with Summer and couldn't wait for Autumn and changes: change of mood, weather, landscapes, clothes, tasks, activities. So much happens usually in Autumn. Or actually ALWAYS.<br />
It's the busiest time of a year for me. <br />
This time isn't any different, except, that I wanted Summer to stay. I wanted to have holidays, stay up late, party, sleep until noon, eat french-fries, skate, romance, read, paint the flat and work on projects until the rest of my life. <br />
End of Summer was as satisfying and fulfilling as it only can be. With new agreements on an old love, discovering ourselves like taken from the bottom of the sea. The loveliest weather possible, warm and humid, sunny days and warm nights. A trip to the seaside, a trip to Warsaw, wonderful visits and lots of good stories, food, talks and emotions.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj57nT7fwS6o3Ai8X8qTHVGenCOIqq5NRAKTNAdrnIMFJA_dNKv8RbSgyQE5FH6F4Bo2RWu66I6Ft7YUjGJTwOAZnemt0MllQjI1ZMbrRVyAPCTcQqY3hzQEDcvNe93_gY0Oer0m7uLXZE/s1600/sie1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj57nT7fwS6o3Ai8X8qTHVGenCOIqq5NRAKTNAdrnIMFJA_dNKv8RbSgyQE5FH6F4Bo2RWu66I6Ft7YUjGJTwOAZnemt0MllQjI1ZMbrRVyAPCTcQqY3hzQEDcvNe93_gY0Oer0m7uLXZE/s400/sie1.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhky8nrrPZkqvitSaYeAT5mfT3dd3-jmsHkVn0o4btjk7UkTMzFM824TD6PonelzUzg1o3XIpuK41xMnkgSnZVYYOHz6UQkOA6MdFAA2jhhd4SASWfYH57hShlgeZ_tjemOu7IEuD8qDk4/s1600/sie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhky8nrrPZkqvitSaYeAT5mfT3dd3-jmsHkVn0o4btjk7UkTMzFM824TD6PonelzUzg1o3XIpuK41xMnkgSnZVYYOHz6UQkOA6MdFAA2jhhd4SASWfYH57hShlgeZ_tjemOu7IEuD8qDk4/s400/sie2.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMMwOmXhSzt3zqzJiZZXLLekykQRDWUEFaofbSX0rScKMk6o3IFM3oqH1Z1NPMGBUrYFX7Lunq2N1kSZ8qv1yPnuJv5y6ZWLIG9sEFqr093ls9TsKUQRAqETpcv_6NNAMotp7gIBugpf8/s1600/sie.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMMwOmXhSzt3zqzJiZZXLLekykQRDWUEFaofbSX0rScKMk6o3IFM3oqH1Z1NPMGBUrYFX7Lunq2N1kSZ8qv1yPnuJv5y6ZWLIG9sEFqr093ls9TsKUQRAqETpcv_6NNAMotp7gIBugpf8/s400/sie.JPG" /></a></div>But the Summer is over, I have more work than ever and everything is of course very exciting.. and more political. And I still find time to do pleasant things. <br />
Like street art. And skating. <br />
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Autumn, time for tea and baked potatoes again.schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-18502494442269516792013-08-02T21:17:00.000+02:002013-08-02T21:17:23.040+02:00No pain, no gain. (I Will Not Be) Broken.This video made my day. Not only from the contents, but as a music discovery. And the lyrics*<br />
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<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tSnfO15cAHE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
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<br />
Since I remember I was always doing sports. Not a lot, but eager; except the bike, I'm riding the whole life I already was doing few different things. Ranged from ice skating, in-line skating and swimming in childhood and adolescence, through fitness until ultimate frisbee, fight sports and jogging in adult years. Somehow I liked it all, but couldn't ever stay in for longer, getting disappointed, frustrated or just bored. I'm basically not into sports I guess, I hate competition, I need to have real fun, it must be easy to learn, cheap and flexible to plan. Some voice of reason keeps me having bad conscience every time when I stay lazy for too long, the same voice that tells me that I should eat more fresh vegetables. I would keep on jogging as the way to keep fit, although I can hardly think of anything more boring (I admire those people who seem to have REAL fun out of just...running).. but another voice tells me, that there must be something, what attracts people to sports. <br />
I had an extreme short, stormy love-affair with skateboarding 10 years ago, when I almost broke my arm and decided, that it's definitely not for me.<br />
<br />
Then, after 8 years, one of my friends, who was around 30 at this time started to skate for the first time in his life and felt great about it. Inspiring.<br />
Then I was in a relationship with a skater, got inspired and got a board as a present, so I can learn. I didn't learn a lot before the warm season, my zest and the relationship was over. I fell down really hard few times and got discouraged. And then, suddenly it was Winter anyway, the time of gray thoughts and jogging.<br />
<br />
And then I found myself into a relationship with the same skater, who still wanted to teach me. With the first Spring days I prepared my board again, ready to go on, learn, sweat, bleed, break my bones and cry, but stay in it. <br />
<br />
And then another relationship with another skater came my way. <br />
And not only that he didn't show too much enthusiasm for my skating enthusiasm (both for mine and his skating). He said, that I'm too old to learn. Nevermind how much of a joke it was. <br />
I made me really angry and motivated me as almost anything, to any sport before. <br />
Almost, because it was just around the time, when I started to be able to move freely enough to try to learn something. And started to find it really exciting. <br />
And not only the activity, which gives me the sweet feeling of reaching and breaking my limits of fear and insecurity, just to challenge to teach my body to do things, I'd love to watch myself. <br />
Not only as a feeling of being a part of some exclusive group, where I can get into just through my passion and will and, as it is in a cruel, sexist world, a bit of help from my gender. It makes the door open a bit wider for me as a newbie, as in all of the male dominated sports, I feel a breeze of sometimes-even-friendly indulgence (oh, and it makes it all quite political btw!). A bit like some funny Secret Society of Skaters, which have their own slang, infrastructure and equipment. That thing that it's not just a hobby but part of a lifestyle. No one says "I'm a jogger", but lot of people would call themselves "skaters". <br />
It's a bit like with activism. Or this slight, little difference between listening to punk and being one. <br />
And it was so near all those years, so within reach and anyway present in my life through those lifestyle-parts like skate-looks, listening to special music, knowing dozens of early and late skaters, having access to lovely self-organized skateparks. It makes me feel like I found something, that I lost long time ago.<br />
<br />
And at least but not last: it helps me not to suffer. And to become myself again. <br />
<br />
I'm not in any defined relationship anymore. First time since long time, and I think I could really get used to it and find my fun. It still hurts, but it will pass. And I think about myself again. Not in someone else's context, I'm just learning to be happy.<br />
<br />
It costs a lot of sweat, humility, patience and sometimes hurts. But I prefer a physical pain than a broken heart. <br />
One of my best friends, who went through much harder and more painful break-up than my unluckily Summer-hope-you're-all-that-I-need-lovestory, told me that she feels something like a muscle fever in her chest. From the pain and stress. But she believes, that all the muscles, when trained, became only stronger. And so will we.<br />
<br />
I know, that I will never forget, what happened to me this Summer. And I will need a lot of time to find enough courage to trust anyone deep enough, to open my heart, as I did carelessly this time. Or, maybe I will just have better things to do.<br />
<br />
Like skating. And activism. And being a punk. And being just totally awesome.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipgUV1itgKypWjv4hSA16mhCIiKzu5RNa2Vmy6Pe_8oRcb2Ky2FrOj6Zonle4XMmlzpRDL6_2SYQN7q106KJNcbI7boEdTVAByN99fZUcijUs_nRD6hMlF6hxpSZlC8f0gfNrMzAFRwaA/s1600/2013-08-01+13.14.39.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipgUV1itgKypWjv4hSA16mhCIiKzu5RNa2Vmy6Pe_8oRcb2Ky2FrOj6Zonle4XMmlzpRDL6_2SYQN7q106KJNcbI7boEdTVAByN99fZUcijUs_nRD6hMlF6hxpSZlC8f0gfNrMzAFRwaA/s400/2013-08-01+13.14.39.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyTKmBgt6RaCWdRLACnUA7-hGjiEeGV_Pvhxq1vMtExmbnMilUlp0-SqzMAtL6CSlzAp7nJPRRU1lrUIP9_VeM2LBbvkwdpih7Bj7iB7NFLYlvFJndp2Ipr48eELlVvwJevm4T8hRrGrQ/s1600/2013-08-01+17.16.41.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyTKmBgt6RaCWdRLACnUA7-hGjiEeGV_Pvhxq1vMtExmbnMilUlp0-SqzMAtL6CSlzAp7nJPRRU1lrUIP9_VeM2LBbvkwdpih7Bj7iB7NFLYlvFJndp2Ipr48eELlVvwJevm4T8hRrGrQ/s400/2013-08-01+17.16.41.jpg" /></a><br />
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*<b>Ben Harper "I Will Not Be Broken"</b><br />
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Give and you give and you give till it's gone<br />
Then the people you fight hardest for say you're wrong<br />
Before me flash all of my memories and days<br />
So don't stand insincere at the side of my grave<br />
<br />
I will not be broken<br />
I won't be turned away<br />
When it's too cold to breathe<br />
And too dark to pray<br />
I will not be broken<br />
<br />
I go too far then I go further still<br />
Time starts to collapse, leaves a void none can fill<br />
Nothing you can say to hurt me with your forked tongue<br />
Through blood shot eyes I watch the world come undone<br />
<br />
I will not be broken<br />
I won't be turned away<br />
When it's too cold to breathe<br />
And it's too dark to pray<br />
<br />
I've come too far to give up<br />
Or to be turned around<br />
I will not be broken<br />
I will not go down<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-90277647229825769302013-07-25T18:26:00.002+02:002013-07-25T18:30:32.533+02:00Dead swallows and the curseOnce upon a time, 1,5 months ago something beautiful happened to me. I took it brave, with the open heart and mind, just as joyful, as I described it the last time. <br />
Just like I would carelessly forget, that nothing good can happen to me and stay by, just like the Summer could be just beautiful and amazing, instead of terrible and burning. <br />
<br />
I was watching you as you walk through the parking lot thinking that it's the last time, when you come to visit me. You said, you're not sure. That you did not come with the intention to break up. And that you need to make a right decision, although both decisions are bad. But you need to make the difficult one. And that you're afraid, that you may regret it. And you don't want to get hurt. And you can't come back to that place in your heart, because it's closed now. But there's nothing I can do. <br />
<br />
Like there would be ever anything I could do.. <br />
I quoted last time, that "maybe there will come a time, when love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears..." whatsoever. Oh, just for the record, not THIS time.<br />
<br />
I wanted to write another post with another song and text from the album I got from you. That I leave the past behind and let it happen to me, and that it's always darkest before the dawn. It's also not valid anymore. <br />
<br />
Just like other things we will never do. Like we'll not build the bike together for me, like we wanted to just to make a trip to the lake and take photos. Or we won't go to Warsaw and you won't meet my parents. Or we won't go skating and on the way to your place eat at the Kebab shop. And talk, joke and be closer than possible until the dawn, smoking cigarettes and drinking apple sparkling water. Or I will never watch you working on graphics on your computer. And you will never draw me one of your pictures and send me that as MMS just before I go to sleep, or leave it on my desk. <br />
Magic carpet flew away, the gate to parallel dimension is closed. SMS and WhatsApp chat history deleted, just in case I would be tempted to read it again or listen to your voice to torment my poor heart. No hope, no chance, no doubts. That's how I'm doing now.<br />
<br />
I'm cursed. I can never be happy again. But I guess the curse is also deadly for the other swallows. They just fall dead from the sky. I found two of them laying on the ground by our house.<br />
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I'm so sorry. <br />
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I hope you will be happy once. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOtfTbOZCwAsGPXXHrapLKxAwrI3FxiZr-mQFa0FfRyKj6E8XYKBGaIsdYlALqbc3UWs5RnMQBtfssC4YMvZHeDIYWr2O3cJjtNsUGPCOF1IRRwCrNN0aWhx1oL0d1qKN626KTUe4r-18/s1600/pest.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOtfTbOZCwAsGPXXHrapLKxAwrI3FxiZr-mQFa0FfRyKj6E8XYKBGaIsdYlALqbc3UWs5RnMQBtfssC4YMvZHeDIYWr2O3cJjtNsUGPCOF1IRRwCrNN0aWhx1oL0d1qKN626KTUe4r-18/s400/pest.jpg" /></a><br />
schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5519713887653651250.post-40100262370925643052013-07-09T00:21:00.000+02:002013-07-09T00:22:59.411+02:00Die Welt ist RosaRot. The world is pink-red.I was supposed to write this post a week ago. And then a week before that. And actually one more week before that. Since one month my world has new colors. It was so easy to admit it, I came into my pink state so easily this time, that for three weeks in a row I was hardly sleeping, eating and comprehending the real world. My world went small and cozy, consisting of magic, pictures, heartbeats, never ending rivers of words, meanings and fresh Summer smells of blooming lindens, rain, meadows. <br />
<br />
He appeared just like that, completely out of nowhere, although he was there all the time. I just started to feel the summer wind in my wings, the soothing breeze of complacency I was missing all the long Winter and Spring. That was maybe just my time, to forget how it hurts and start again. Again.<br />
And after one long afternoon, evening, night and noon it was all clear. After this long time of denying myself any needs I was simply overflowed with almost anything I could dream of or miss. <br />
Not that I need so much more than attention, care, tenderness, interest, sharing and time. And then a little bit of magic and poetry. Not that I wouldn't give it back gladly when I only have an opportunity. <br />
And the opportunity of receiving and giving was so tempting, that I would be just crazy not to take it. <br />
<br />
It would be trivial to say that he's someone special. With the other world closed between blue eyes, left hand and a awoken heart, with genuineness so sharp, that sometimes painful, tenderness so soft as I could only imagine and all the bright and dark secrets I've just started to discover. This whole new world awaiting to be discovered. And the unspoken promise of an amazing journey. <br />
Let's see where it will lead us.. We're both excited about it.<br />
<br />
But as it usually happens, everything valuable has it's price.<br />
This time I was not the one, who had to pay it. I will pay mine, but much later. <br />
Now it cost me the pain of the one, who grew so deep in my heart. But no matter how hard I try I can't think of any other solution. <br />
This is the end of my polyamory tale, I leave it with a burden of guilty conscience but somewhat with a relieved heart. <br />
<br />
And maybe.."there will come a time,<br />
you'll see, with no more tears.<br />
And love will not break your heart,<br />
but dismiss your fears."<br />
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schwalbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03046257589865963948noreply@blogger.com0