30 January 2014

I found the cure to growing older

"I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends"

(Fall Out Boy)

Oh, yes. Nice to see you all again. I'm back. I managed not to freeze to death, not to turn into a bat and fall into winter sleep. Not to freak out.

But well, my morals have been definitely harmed.
I've spent the weirdest two months since a long, long time. Met, got to know, talked, cried and interacted with more people than in the whole last year.

I've been to few safe places, where I could hide and keep warm, distance from the storms waiting for me back home, reflect on my shattered heart and got together with a lot of friendly souls I've been missing. And as much as I've never needed so much friendship, warmth, support, wisdom, reflection, analysis, distance, closeness and love - this much I received from you all.

I want to thank all of the people, who I talked to, wrote or texted during this time; every person, who heard my sad story or saw my helpless tears, who gave me advice or who just listened. Who dispelled the clouds for me, so I can see the sun. Who always called me to check, if I'm fine. Who asked, if I need to talk. Who said, that they love me anyway and that I'm the best. And who promised that I can always call, whenever I'm down again.

I also thank all those who shared their bodies, warmth and closeness with me, although sometimes it maybe didn't turn out exactly the way we wanted to.

The old friends, who love me and know me so well, family, my buddies and girlfriends, my pen pals and some new friendly and lovely discoveries.

You people all saved me from something really bad, what was coming on me, what I didn't even want to see.

You know, who you are. You're the best.

Right now I'm in the middle of something, like, coming back to myself. I try not to get distracted. And when I am distracted in this sweetest and most unexpected way, I don't really mind, as long as we both keep away from falling head over heels. As long as we keep our feet on the ground and minds open and fresh.

So I guess I'd better go for a walk in the snow, before it melts. Or bake some vegan marshmallows on the stick in the middle of the desert.


  1. Oh gosh! you´v got to stop writing this blog. Come on your supposed to be an adult, which is not dependend on what others might think about you and you do not need to share your sad story with the whole world to let everybody know how you are, what you´r doing... Come on and overcome this ridiculous need for admiration.

    1. Well, as far as I know, I'm not the only one in the world and history, who's writing. What are the others' motives, you need to ask them. I've explained mine some time ago.
      And yes, I consider myself an adult, which allows me to make my own decision about how much and to whom I tell about my life. I also never wrote anything personal about others the way it could expose them. And, as a matter of fact, no one is force to read this blog though.