I was supposed to write this post a week ago. And then a week before that. And actually one more week before that. Since one month my world has new colors. It was so easy to admit it, I came into my pink state so easily this time, that for three weeks in a row I was hardly sleeping, eating and comprehending the real world. My world went small and cozy, consisting of magic, pictures, heartbeats, never ending rivers of words, meanings and fresh Summer smells of blooming lindens, rain, meadows.
He appeared just like that, completely out of nowhere, although he was there all the time. I just started to feel the summer wind in my wings, the soothing breeze of complacency I was missing all the long Winter and Spring. That was maybe just my time, to forget how it hurts and start again. Again.
And after one long afternoon, evening, night and noon it was all clear. After this long time of denying myself any needs I was simply overflowed with almost anything I could dream of or miss.
Not that I need so much more than attention, care, tenderness, interest, sharing and time. And then a little bit of magic and poetry. Not that I wouldn't give it back gladly when I only have an opportunity.
And the opportunity of receiving and giving was so tempting, that I would be just crazy not to take it.
It would be trivial to say that he's someone special. With the other world closed between blue eyes, left hand and a awoken heart, with genuineness so sharp, that sometimes painful, tenderness so soft as I could only imagine and all the bright and dark secrets I've just started to discover. This whole new world awaiting to be discovered. And the unspoken promise of an amazing journey.
Let's see where it will lead us.. We're both excited about it.
But as it usually happens, everything valuable has it's price.
This time I was not the one, who had to pay it. I will pay mine, but much later.
Now it cost me the pain of the one, who grew so deep in my heart. But no matter how hard I try I can't think of any other solution.
This is the end of my polyamory tale, I leave it with a burden of guilty conscience but somewhat with a relieved heart.
And maybe.."there will come a time,
you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart,
but dismiss your fears."