25 July 2013

Dead swallows and the curse

Once upon a time, 1,5 months ago something beautiful happened to me. I took it brave, with the open heart and mind, just as joyful, as I described it the last time.
Just like I would carelessly forget, that nothing good can happen to me and stay by, just like the Summer could be just beautiful and amazing, instead of terrible and burning.

I was watching you as you walk through the parking lot thinking that it's the last time, when you come to visit me. You said, you're not sure. That you did not come with the intention to break up. And that you need to make a right decision, although both decisions are bad. But you need to make the difficult one. And that you're afraid, that you may regret it. And you don't want to get hurt. And you can't come back to that place in your heart, because it's closed now. But there's nothing I can do.

Like there would be ever anything I could do..
I quoted last time, that "maybe there will come a time, when love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears..." whatsoever. Oh, just for the record, not THIS time.

I wanted to write another post with another song and text from the album I got from you. That I leave the past behind and let it happen to me, and that it's always darkest before the dawn. It's also not valid anymore.

Just like other things we will never do. Like we'll not build the bike together for me, like we wanted to just to make a trip to the lake and take photos. Or we won't go to Warsaw and you won't meet my parents. Or we won't go skating and on the way to your place eat at the Kebab shop. And talk, joke and be closer than possible until the dawn, smoking cigarettes and drinking apple sparkling water. Or I will never watch you working on graphics on your computer. And you will never draw me one of your pictures and send me that as MMS just before I go to sleep, or leave it on my desk.
Magic carpet flew away, the gate to parallel dimension is closed. SMS and WhatsApp chat history deleted, just in case I would be tempted to read it again or listen to your voice to torment my poor heart. No hope, no chance, no doubts. That's how I'm doing now.

I'm cursed. I can never be happy again. But I guess the curse is also deadly for the other swallows. They just fall dead from the sky. I found two of them laying on the ground by our house.

I'm so sorry.

I hope you will be happy once.

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