February and yoga-is-the-new-skating

New year started extremely intense. Not only I kept to my New Year's resolutions in 120% and survived most of the Winter being in excellent mood. Last month I spent in city trains going places and running errands, healing my weather resentment with litres of coffee, books, Spanish, good food, being social and... yoga!

Due to my "I'm 30 now:let's serious" resolution I decided to seriously start exercising on a regular basis as a habit and part of my life. Just a year ago I was sure that I found my ultimate passion and perfect sport with skating, but little I knew.
After knee injury I was off ALL sports for months and as the time went by and a healing progress was disappointingly slow I knew I'll never dare to skate again on a full volume.
I had to find something new, a sport that does not feel like a chore, is involving, challenging and fun.
Yoga is everything I need and more. After 2 months of not too intensive exercising I feel how my body changes, calibrates, somehow adjusts to it's real, proper shape and condition. It makes me want more and every session is like a little adventure, trying out new things, noticing the connections between moves, seeing if I can do it and how I improved since the last time.
I'm staying with it.

February was exhausting but rewarding.
I was totally involved in wedding preparations, which surprised me in so many ways that I need a separate post only about it.
I was having more fun in my job than ever before, what is not a normal state of my mind.
I was unexpectedly starting a new friendship I'm happy and warm about.
I did not take a single picture with my camera since the mountain trip in December, so I'm just instagraming. It's all because of the weather, which is, by the way the only thing I can't stop complaining about.

Today I found a cheap source of lupin beans, one of food-loves of my life, I haven't been eating since last year's Euro-trip and Portugal.


Life is good.

This is the beginning of anything you want. I said YES!

"This is the beginning of anything you want.": I saw this on a Facebook wall of one of my friends. Well said, especially when it comes to New Year, resolutions, and all the hopes beginning of a year always brings.

Even I have some new year's resolutions, as always modest and humble, manageable, not too far from a comfort zone. Like more workout, more books, more art.

But in fact my comfort zone is going to be challenged once more, serious way.

This pictures have been taken in Bieszczady, Poland, during a lovely road trip we made in the end of December and over a New Year. A wild, far from civilisation, full of legends and famous part of the country I always wanted to visit turned out to be a winter wonderland.

On a New Year's Eve, on the top of the mountain (a lovely viewpoint in fact) we got engaged! Pretty awesome, totally our style, the way that makes it a cute story to tell.

But more follows.

Looks like my fate decided to actually make my life the way I wish it to be according to my biggest and deepest dreams.

I have a fiancé who's a best kind of person for me to spend a life with. And I'm moving to US to live there. Exactly the way I always wanted.

Nothing more to add for now.

Since I less and less people visit the blog and I'm not smart or stubborn enough to spread it, I'm not sure who's actually my audience.
But whoever you are, thanks for coming around, please enjoy the pictures of one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to.

If you like what you see, please like my FB page and please share it on your wall.

Christmas lights

The year is slowly coming to an end, asks for another summary.

As I was waking up this morning, realizing that another Christmas is over I felt a tiny need for review. As always, I've spent Christmas with my family in Poland, as usual, like whole adult life, bringing my current boyfriend with me.

Same food, same mood, same heart-warming, cosy atmosphere of love, acceptance, carelessness, taste of childhood, holiday laziness. Endless talks, laughs and catching up with our lives which continue separately.
Not a single thing about Christmas that I hate, the matter is just to spend it with the right people. The comparison with the last Christmas shows clearly what kind of right choices I've made during this whole year.*

And this was one of the best years of my entire life.
I've moved on from the toxic arrangement which was eating out my energy and happiness by letting go of some of the hopes and plans. I reorganized my life and focused on myself, what I needed so much for a long time. I got more independent, calm, confident and fulfilled than ever before. I discovered an amazing person and developed a beautiful relationship that makes sun always shine.

I restored energy I was drained of and I'm fully myself again.
I'm looking forward to the new year and all the exciting things I will do.

Love life.

Enjoy the photos and see you in a New Year!





*When in the end you discover, that you've been unfriended on Facebook, and it just makes you smile with fondness, you know that you've learned your lesson well.

all my friends are dead

You know the book, maybe even better known as a meme, don't you? This one.

I feel exactly like this, seriously, with all its awkwardness, darkness and irony.

Everything started when I moved to Hamburg. Since five months my social life has been slowly, but consistently, dying.
I've been through all the stages already, got stuck on a denial a bit too long but finally successfully ended up on soothing acceptance. I'm ok. Really. But it doesn't change the fact, that my social life is at the moment.. non-existent.

Of course non of my friends is dead. They're just away, further or closer, but physically away.
Some of them are too busy with their everyday life's joys and worries to keep in touch through emails/skype/letters. Some of them never got close enough to build something solid, some bonds got very loose and now are impossible to tie again.

Even with the best friends I've ever had I'm able to meet 2-3 times a year, but even for a busy person it's way too little.
And I'm trying not to be so busy, right?

And how about here, in Hamburg? Here I have technically nobody. At least not a single person, who I would consider as someone taking part in my life. All the bigger and smaller friendships I had over this 3 years since I'm in Germany never turned into something deeper. I have no idea why and it doesn't matter since it's already a fact.

And yes. I miss having friends. I miss the time of my life in Warsaw, this last 1,5 years before I moved to Germany. Maybe I unappreciated it back then, maybe it seems so happy and joyful from the distance.
I miss going to places just to meet people, who know me, with whom I've lived my past, who I have feelings towards. I miss feeling comfortable, curious and appreciated at the same time, the lovely mix only friendship gives you.

I'm not sad, although it is pretty sad and new for me. Another life lesson to learn.
Sometimes I just wish somebody would call me and ask me out too.

But I don't give up, I search for new options, try to make new bonds and try to let go on people who obviously are not interested in me as their friend.

Well, their loss.


In the meantime I look after a wonderful, loving relationship, daydream a lot, try to sleep well, read and find healthy balance between doing and not doing things. And I still take pictures.

This is how beautiful is Hamburg in Fall.

warmth

I have not much to say this time. Or rather so much to tell, but it all doesn't fit into words so well. I have bunch of pictures waiting for me to edit, as well as some stories to tell. But the words are not there.

I'm happy. As much as I've been only few times in my life. Fall goes by, my love have moved to Berlin, so we have just weekends together and I'm still more lonely than ever, my health is giving me hell. But this calm, ease and warmth I feel now wouldn't trade for anything.

I enjoy candle light, good food, reading books, learning a new language, beautiful music and movies. I enjoy every sunny day, every bike or bus ride and Fall landscapes.

I enjoy every minute together with him, as well as every hour I'm alone.

I learn not to be lonely. I learn how to make friendships again.

I enjoy learning to live in today, no matter how trivial it seems, no matter how exciting the future is.

I'm living the dream.

Aftersummer

Summer is a magic time of wonders and adventure, as if anything could happen, like I'm always waiting for something to come true.
I remember spending Summers of my teenage and young adult years in a constant craving for love, passion, miracles I could think of and remember about.
Craving for something to happen with my life, that will make it worth writing a book about it. Or making a movie. And I never felt special enough in my own eyes.

But it changed and at some point things started to happen that made it worth writing about it. Or I just started to live my life this way.

This Summer was not adventurous, I was working a lot, my one and only planned trip to Czech Republic for Fluff Fest did not work out, I was in Hamburg most of the time.

But the Summer was hot, it let me sleep and swim naked, wear summer dresses and never get cold, even in the middle of the night. It let me wish upon a star, enjoy food, nature and bike, read as much as I please.
But most of all, this was a Summer of my love, our love;
trying out, getting closer, learning and teaching trust, sharing and giving and becoming better versions of us.
Without sacrificing anything, staying warm, charmed, safe and confident.

But the Summer is over, as always, too soon. I had to switch rapidly to another season, with all of it's features, although I was not ready at all.

And we are still here, stronger than ever before.

There will be a way. A new chapter.

I wanted to write this post a long time ago. Or at least as soon as I moved to Hamburg. Or as soon as I fell in love with my new imperfect life.

At the end of Winter I decided to leave the house project, where I was living and working for almost 3 years. The list of reasons is long, but the most important was, that I had not enough reasons to stay. And a strong need to move on.

I found a job in my profession at the same time as I found an apartment. I re-entered a well-known world of wage work and buying my free time. It cost me a lot to admit this, but it wasn't the hardest choice I've ever made.
And I felt even some sort of relief.

Old habits die hard, they say..

The same relief I felt moving again to a big city with a big river in the middle. And I live on the "wrong" side of the river again!

I love Hamburg with all my heart, for being so spacious, busy, unable to discover, full of surprises, generous in giving me my privacy, freedom and anonymity.

I love simple joys, listening to the music on a subway on my way to work, riding a bike through summer park, having a pick-nick by the river, watching a movie in an open-air cinema, having a beer on a crowded street on a summer evening. Going or organising events.
Smell of a river breeze.

And I'm not alone in this. I have the best company I could think of. We're so beautifully, consciously together. We're heading forward to the future, just the way we wanted. Just like that.
And it works, damn*, this really works. But that's another story.

I'm just happy. Bonjour bonheur!

"There Will Be A Way"

shut your eyes,
see the future's distant shore
march ahead
more enlightened than before
and there's sure to be bumps
and distractions
but I know we'll get through
there will be me, there will be you
there will be a way
unresolved repercussions from your life
fortified with the vitriol of strife
and you can be gridlocked by predictions,
but you're wise grab the prize
then revise, realize
there will be a way
hey... ho
and I don't know where we are going
but we're here on this ride
and we'll stand side by side
all along the way
follow me to the future's distant shore
vagary needn't haunt us anymore
and now it's time to set the agenda,
learn the past, make it last
share the wealth, hold your fire,
conserve life, make it right
kill the hate, negotiate
there will be a way
there will be a way
there will be a way